Quote: Why would he be afraid you would hurt your daughter? I mean he's the one who gets violent by pushing, pursuing & yelling...unless you've left something very important out, which I don't think you have.
Well, I will admit to having a temper.
And it was worse when the kids were little. I have never hit or hurt the kids, yelled, yes. I can remember being woken up 4-5 times in the night, and getting up angrily - jumping out of bed in a sort of resentful way. I did, thank God, manage to get a hold of myself before I got to the kids...but H hated that. He couldn't understand why I would get upset getting up with the kids (but he could never get up with them, 'cause he needed his sleep, and besides, they wanted their mommy). I do remember him making a similar comment once, more than 5 yrs ago, that he was afraid I would hurt the kids, and that made me really stop and look at me. I started watching my reactions, and learned that my raising my voice, or using upsetting body language did nothing but upset my kids more. I've had many friends comment since then on how well I'm able to keep my sense of humor with my kids (once I remembered I had it, it's been my best 'weapon', and what's keeping me sane right now as well).
I also remember once, when I asked if I could have a night off a week from the kids (back when they were very little, I wouldn't have 'told' him then), and he replied by telling me about a show he had watched about a woman dying of cancer who had small children. His comment: 'I bet she doesn't ask her H for a night off!'
The comment this morning bothered me. Not that I have anything to hide, but that I don't know quite where it's coming from. Probably from the night before Christmas, when I intervened when he grabbed S4a by the arm and yelled in his face. He asked what I would have done if he had intervened like that when I was trying to discipline the kids, my answer was that if I was ever hurting the kids, I would hope he would intervene.
I don't know if he's planning on getting out. My first thought was that he's starting to realize that I might be, and reacting to that.
The only response I've ever gotten to the counseling comments was about a month ago, when he told me he thought it was stupid to talk to a stranger about problems.
I will say that he wasn't actually 'yelling' when he first came in last night, but it was a very demeaning tone. I pointed that out to him, and he said that it was pretty stupid that he would have to think about 'how' he said something to me.
