Ioavva wrote ----------- To me, they're mine. I gave birth, I was the one that was pregnant, I breast fed, I was the one who got up in the night, I looked after them every day for 5 years ----------- I agree with your line of thinking. I support your desires to be more involved in the kids life.
------- unless she views controlling as wanting to have sex and you telling her not to buy another pair of shoes ---------- Sex happens 1 to 4 times a month, lots of hurt feelings inbetween, with her trying to talk me out of it, that I SHOULD have ED at my age, she wishes this desire of mine would go away. She is there but she isn't there. So she is trying to control that part of her life but I don't buy her opinion of sex is for making babies.
The bigest controlling behavior ARE things like new shoes every month and all the "FUN" money she spends. At one time she said I should setup a $500 monthly wirhdraw from our retirement fund to go to her checking account to add to her $500 a month early retirement fund. W wanted $1,000 a month for "FUN" money. I said no, so now I am controlling. I pay all of the bills and household and automobile expences. W pays for her clothing, health insurance, toys/fun money, and her pets.
If you have read some of my earlier posts, I did list that W spent $12,000 one year on things we already had that were in good condition and for a while something new arrived by a shopping trip, UPS, FedEx and /or US Post. I complained about her spending so I was labeled by my W as as the nag and I was called controlling.
-------- I think you're doing OK and I'm impressed how reasonable you are. -------- I have to agree with you. I am not as bad off as TAG. I am working on things, have gained some improvements.
Most of the time I am very reasonable, but I let W say some hurtful things. I become a temporary doormat then stop the crap, so in a way I am controlling by trying to keep things on track and I suspect w wants to have freedom to do what ever she wants to sometimes, but I won't just take her rants and I do complain about overspending. To me someone has to apply the brakes on a run-away train.
RE Cemar on SSM Cemar has been stating he wants something like HOT SEX from his W and if it is not HOT SEX, then it is not sex, it's something useless.
The other posters are telling Cemar to enjoy the comfort sex he is/was having with his W before she becomes no-drive because of his insistance that she provide HOT sex most of the time might drive her to a no desire, no sex drive state, something called No-ass-atol.
We understand his feelings and want to help by suggesting baby steps. Cemar wants a lot and now.
Back to your children. In one way your H's attitude seems very protective of the children which is good. You know they come first and are well taken care of, or at least that is what I am hearing in your posts.
Too many biological fathers (sperm doners) quit being dads (male care takers) when the M sours. So, is dad being the protective care taker or are there still some feelings at getting back at you for you falling apart when he left. Children sometimes get used as a weapon to strike out at a spouse.
H may also be using the limited contact thing as a tool to make you do double duty proving you can handel them and "him." Kind of making you prove twice to four times you are strong. But that is only guessing, could be borrowing trouble and be way off base.
W and I speculate on things and I say follow the money, which means what is in it for each party, Who spends time/money and what do they have to gain.
OG Lou Saw some news from London today. Nice tree lined street.
