There's only really one instance where I feel my H is 'controlling' and that is with the kids.
To me, they're mine. I gave birth, I was the one that was pregnant, I breast fed, I was the one who got up in the night, I looked after them every day for 5 years while he worked and now he's got them and tells me what to do and when I can see them...this infuriates me and is the only thing I have a problem with, him trying to 'control' my mother role.
Anything else, I am cool about. I like 'traditional' men. I don't mind doing the cleaning and the cooking etc, I don't mind doing whatever he likes in the bedroom, I don't mind him talking about computers all day, but it sure as hell bugs me when he tells me how to mother!!!
Since your kids are grown and you don't have that problem, I'd fail to see how your W would see you as controlling, unless she views controlling as wanting to have sex and you telling her not to buy another pair of shoes (I'm jesting here).
Seriously, Lou, though, I think you're doing OK and I'm impressed how reasonable you are.
