Look further up my post. I left you a message on how to emotionally protect yourself from these fallings out you are having with your W - build yourself an invisible force field.
Another thing I will say is just because you are separated, doesn't mean you have to sit there for 3 hours and take it. If she was getting at you from 11pm-2am solidly I would say that is abusive.
It's one thing to validate but another to put up with continuous verbal abuse.
And remember, she didn't tell you all those things 20 years ago, she stayed silent. Why? How are you supposed to know what hurts her if she doesn't say?
Yes, you have faults - you were maybe too critical, perhaps you had a temper, I don't know, but the point is, she still sat there expecting you to know what she needs and she said NOTHING. You are not a mind reader, Tag, you're a human being.
Next time she goes at you, just say 'I appreciate the fact that you are being so open with me about your feelings now. I didn't know at the time. Why did you not feel able to tell me then as I could have tried to accomodate your feelings more if I'd known?' - or something along those lines.
You want to save your M, Tag, but you have to look after you as well - and simply letting her yell at you continously and use MC as a means to slag you off is not going to help.
I think MC is too much pressure on her atm. Is the C solution-focused? If not, get a solution focused C and think about going on your own. I think you would have more success that way.
