----------- about sex 3 times a night, I think it gets better as you get older ----------- For me I can last longes, go slower, and pay attention to W reactions to what I am doing. Not that it really does any good for the last 15 years.
--------- I think the difference is, men tend to concentrate more on the physical sensation and women on the emotion connected with it. --------- I think my W lost the ability to be emotionally connected with me in bed, and to a degree people in general. She is emotionally connected to her pets though.
--------- W sees it as a purely physical act which might explain why she sees it as a male need. ----------- You are mostly correct for her current age.
When we first got M, she had lots of emotional and sexual feelings / connections.
Then W wanted babies and the feelings were sexual and maternial. We were reading things about how to get pregnant, positions, frequency, timing. Talk about good sex. W wanted deep and hard. (not rough)
Things mostly good untill W and I decided no more babies. Some bumps but we worked things out.
Then W's Tubal Ligation, then Hysterectomy, then my back surgery, then W's breast lump surgery-radiation-anti cancer hormone-killing drugs for 5 yeasrs. So that brings us up to today. W said she wishes the sex stuff would go away.
--------- I can't imagine that I will get to 50 years old and suddenly not be bothered. -------- I hope you do not have to go through what I posted above.
----------- As for your W's view that sex is a male need, I don't think that is true. --------- Sometimes I think my W just likes to complain. I think she likes it but only a couple times a year.m
It's 2:37 AM and I am posting instead of laying in bed thinking I wish we could ML. I can only lay next to W for a certain amount of time being very interested. I have to get up and do something untill I am so tired nothing matters. W wants me in bed with her to sleep, not much cuddeling and very little kissing or sex.
--------- I think it's a human need to share and express love. ---------- I agree
--------- I view it as the ultimate means of expressing love, so if my H didn't, I would think he didn't love me. --------- I see it that way too.
I am sorry you are going through this. I still think your W should go on detox/vitamin therapy. Sounds like she needs it and that might pick up your SL.
I would not have hysterectomy/radiation in the same circumstances as I feel that my womb is part of what makes me a woman. I would not even get sterilized. It is up to H if he choses to, but I would not.
If I had cancer I would treat with detox, vitamins, counselling, visualisation therapy etc. Louise Hay, the author of 'You can heal your life' successfully cured herself of vaginal cancer by visualisation, when the doctors had given her up for dead, and I learnt on my immunology course that there is a dr called Dr Simonton who treats cancer with the same techniques and she has acheieved success rates double the rate of radiation treatments.
My own father died after chemo, and so did my uncle. In fact, there's no one I know in my family that have ever survived after it, so I am quite skeptical over what long-term benefits these agressive treatments have.
I also think it's quality of life that counts, not quantity, and I would rather live less and have fun and still enjoy a good sex life and social life etc than live for ages with no energy and no enjoyment of the things I used to do.
But that's just my opinion and not in any way critical of your W's decisions. I'm just not entirely surprised she feels this way about sex given the massive trauma her body has been through.
She maybe has a self-image problem? (just a thought) - if I had had a hysterectomy, I would feel less sexy, somehow. It's like saying if someone walks with a limp, lets cut their legs off because they can't do it properly.
Again, this is in no way judgemental, just my thoughts on the subject and discussion and I totally respect anyone's wishes to have such procedures.
Jo, Last night on 'Coast to coast" (radio show on say midnight to 4 AM) John Gray (Men are from Mars Womwne are from Venus) spoke about serotonin and others affecting men and women mood etc. What do you know about this?
Serotonin is a hormone produced by the brain to induce feelings of wellness and happiness. If the brain produces low amounts of these, then you can get depression, mood swings as a result.
Natural serotonin is present in some foods (the most famous one being chocolate) so it is possible to get a natural 'pick me up' from eating these.
In cases of clinical depression/severe hormone imbalance, food does not always do much good and so dr's use artificial serotonin (commonly known as anti-depressants) to replace low levels of this hormone in the brain.
However, although low doses of anti-depressants are usually extremely helpful, high dosage amounts of articificial serotonin can produce anxiety/ panic attacks, hallucinations etc (similar to overdosing on other types of drugs - i.e, you can basically have too much of a good thing).
In extreme cases they can make you violent and agressive and there are mental health groups in the UK who are campaigning to stop dr's giving out high doses of anti-depressents to mildly or moderately depressed people because of the risk of these effects.
They are saying that most people, apart from those with extreme mental health problems, should be given lower dosages and that more attention should be paid to diet and counselling therapies.
That's all I know on serotonin - you can get more info on it from the packet insert contained in drugs which have artificial serotonin in it.
I am pretty sure that sex causes the brain to produce more serotonin also (read it in a women's magazine) but don't quote me on that as I can't remember the name of the mag.
As far as I'm aware, age is not a factor in serotonin levels as there aren't a significiantly larger number of older people with depression, but I do know as we get older, it is harder to utilize vitamins and it may be that she is not getting her natural serotonin from food as easily.
Coffee and tea are also vitamin inhibitors so if you drink a lot, or less than 30 minutes before a meal, your body cannot utilize all of the vitamins in your food, which could lead to amemia, tiredness, irritability etc.
That's why I always think detox and vitamin therapy are great 'pick me up's'.
Well, I spoke to H on phone as dd4 is poorly and told him to come later at 4pm to give dd time to recover.
He did and we had coffee and chatted about what home ed stuff he is doing with the girls. I gave him some pictures dd4 had done. I told him I have an appointment with a nursery to look around it for dd4. He tried to convince me to home ed again but I said I spend so many hours writing and stuff it wouldn't be fair on dd4. I said if we're moving in together later anyway then I will just let him home ed the girls while I get on with my career.
He smiled so I reckon that must have been a good thing to say.
I asked him if I could go to one of dd's functions as even though he's said yes in the past, he doesn't invite me. He said 'yes' again but didn't commit to a date I could attend.
I asked him directly what the matter was (he is the type of person who would not let me attend dd's events if we were not together) - he said he was unsure because he didn't know how it was going to pan out with us.
I don't like the fact that my R's with them depend on my R with him - he would always let them come here to my home, in fact, he asks that, but when it comes to their education, plays, events, socials etc he has basically completely phased me out in the past.
I told him that I didn't particularly like this.
He said it was because he was scared I'd get depression and then not be able to handle them. I said I don't have that anymore and that was 3 years ago and I didn't want to live in the past.
He said he knew that but he was scared and wanted to make sure he is doing the right thing and not get hurt. I squeezed his hand and said I know.
Then he said he'd talk some more on Monday and smiled at me again.
Any opinions, anybody? How am I doing? Throw me an anchor!
Jo, I'm sitting here in laughter. You may be Greek but you don't write like any Greek I know and besides Greeks were great sailors too. Remember Troy? It's the methaphor I'm kidding you about. Throwing someone a boat anchor is like sealing their doom. I left your post early when w returned from the store and I went to help unload the car. Here's my take on your situation, There are miles to go in your relationship. It's not about you. It's about your H. He's holding baggage from the former Jo, like my W is with me. Time heals all wounds and actions speak louder than words. Now that the metaphors are out of the way I think of one of the books my wife read about abusive relationships. The villian (me) was a rager prone to temper tantrums. Guilty as charged. It was all about control. Another way to control was sex. Now I'm not sure this entered my mind but obviously its in my W's mind. you may be on treacherous ground where he's holding the past as a "control" device and still enjoying sex. Call me crazy and without a doupt your insight trumps mine but consider a longer time frame, extra pleasantness, and reel inthe sex. See if he responds favorably? Namely does he get over the "past" BS? Hope this helps? Back to the garage.
