Well, most of you will have read my last installment which was on Mothers Day and it was ok but not as good as previous meetings.
I rang my friend and she put it in to perspective for me and said that it was our first trip out as a family and the first time I had them overnight since the custody battle and with it being Mothers Day, my expectations were higher than normal (true).
I was quite upset and told her it is difficult for me to feel emotion for my kids and she said 'Jo, that's normal, you lost them, you are bound to put barriers up to protect yourself' - it was a relief she said that and she thought it will get easier in time.
I think so too.
She thought the thing about the birthday party was bad, but to be honest she knows my H and that's just classic behaviour of his when it comes to the kids. If I succeed (WHEN I SUCCEED!!) I may just have to accept that he does things like that.
Today was her party. I could not have gone anyway as dd4 was sick and the poor mite has been throwing up all day, but I rang dd1 to ask her how her party went and she was opening presents even though her actual birthday isn't for another week.
H spoke to me, he sounded cheerful and happy and we discussed dd4's sickness. Everything was totally normal which was great after 3 days silence from me.
I shall be seeing him Saturday if dd4 is well again by then.
