Showing love without showing 'love' whilst detaching. Challenging.
You could try doing some 180's on your children (your children are the key, here. They are the reason you still have any contact so if you change your behaviour patterns with them, she will get to know about it and might be impressed with the new you).
NEVER say anything frustrated or negative about her in front of them or anyone else who associates with her. In fact, if you are the soul of reasonableness and say that you UNDERSTAND the reasons why she left, then she will get to hear about this also and it will take the guilt off her for leaving and make you seem like Mr Nice Guy for recognising your bad behaviours.
If you are religious, (sorry, can't remember if you are), then DON'T make it obvious you pray for her as this sounds righteous (i.e, I will pray for you, sinner - ultimate turn off). If you are praying etc then pray for yourself and your own development and she will be impressed that you are trying to seek guidence for your own character reform, rather than making her in the 'wrong'.
In any settlements, offer something you know she would like without waiting for her to ask. Use the lawyer briefly and to the point if that is what she wants but give her more than she was expecting without putting up a fight. Remember the catch phrase: 'IF YOU GIVE HER WHAT SHE NEEDS, SHE'LL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED.'
Keep a photo of her and the kids up in the house so she knows she is part of your memory, without making it obvious you really want her back.
Look gorgeous and well groomed every time she sees you, but absolutely no R talk. Be happy and confident about yourself and don't bring up any hot potatoes so she knows it is then 'safe' to talk to you. If she thinks you accept divorcing her and she sees you in this light, it may make her want you again.
Scheldule some more time with your kids, both for repairing your R's with them and so she has more opportunity to see your positive changes. If you're GAL with the kids this is a great way to demonstrate changes.
