Tag after reading your posts, I can really feel your frustration. I KNOW what you are feeling, been there, still there. Its like you wanna shake your spouse and say LOOK LOOk I HAVE CHANGES, Can't you SEE??? WE can FIX this now! And yet even if they DO see, they either do not want to recognize the changes cause it interferes with their path to "happiness", or they are afraid to let their feeling be their guide for fear of getting hurt or scammed, or back into the same rut that made them do whatever they are doing. And no matter how or what they are doing we miss them. I thought I was just lonely, but now I am temporarily living with my sister and her H and their 5 dogs and my cat, and guess what- STILL lonely-for my husband! I have tried not to care, and I am making good strides towards getting a life, and he has been a total butthead, evasive, and sometimes manipulating, but I still wonder if he is alone tonight or with her. Is the new 2000 sq ft home he is planning to buy (way too much space for one guy) for him and OW and her two kids? You can't help but feel frustrated. But you can help your self by trying to counter balance it. Get another dog. Learn something new. Stop beating yourself up. I feel that if you've done something wrong in your R, and you have done the work to fix it, said you are sorry, meant it, and don't do it anymore, if they want to hold the grudge- THEY LOSE, not you. To hold a grudge only hurts them, and takes more energy than forgiving. As for lawyers, we did not use them for that reason, I /H didn't want someone buying an new car on our retirement fund money. Although I think my H got away pretty good, I did not take him for half of everything like I am entitled to in the state of FL. No alimony, not 1/2 of retirement, no pensions, just 10k over my share of the house, and most of the household goods. He makes double what I make, and has a bunch of divorced friends so i am quite sure he knows he got the best divorce a man could ever hope for. I know I will probably be sorry I did it this way, but It wasn't worth paying the lawyer, all the fighting, I was so wiped out by this past 2 years now, I could not menatlly take what dragging lawyers into this would have cost me in terms of my health.
