You bet I'm suffering read below: Journaling 6Mar05, Spent most of the day yesterday exercising for 1.5 hours, then went to work preparing for a industry presentation, did a lot of posting here, and then went to a friends for a wonderful Indian curry by his wife and some TV. I gave him my guns for safekeeping. Sometimes I fear I’m posting because if I post maybe I might learn one more thing to save this M. It’s becoming addictive. I read great inspiring stories that keep me going one more day but I feel like a loser. Didn’t sleep much last night. Made myself bacon and eggs this morning. Went to church and heard the homily of Jesus healing the blind man, a man although blind, who could see with his heart. Reminds me of Geneva, Ioavva, and eyesopened. You women are blessed with the ability to see with your heart. I wish you could sprinkle some of that magic dust on my W. After church I worked out for an hour and here I am today back in the office. Those same friends having a barbeque today since its headed for the 60s and its SUNNY!!!! I have a pain in my soul. Now that the proposed settlement is under negotiation it just breaks my heart. Lawyers get to fight with our money all the time eating our D15’s college fund. Quite frankly I’m suffering from jealousy. I read about marriages saved when one person changes. I’ve tried everything 20 books, 3 counselors, one mission, one novena, and all of you here that share with me yet; no results. OK I’m a better listener, have control over my temper, and am less controlling, but, no reconciliation. All through this I’ve kept my Lenten resolutions of no alcohol and a rosary a day. Earlier I posted these goals:
1. Go to dinner with W – accomplished 2. Go to movie- accomplished 3. Laugh together – accomplished 4. Receive an unsolicited email- accomplished
Now I’m preparing for D. Who was that masked man? What happened?
Rather than see change, my W accuses it of being a “game” to change her mind and the blame cascades to the kids. My D15 tells her sister “Dad is only paying attention to me because he’s trying to change mom’s mind.” My D31 says, “As much as you don't like to hear it, Mom is going through with the divorce. As unfortunate as this may seem, I think that the sooner you accept this the sooner (believe it or not) your relationships with mom and D15 will heal. Again this is what I think, not that it is necessarily right.” Can anyone here explain that to me? I fly back home Wednesday. Taking Ioavva’s advice I’m looking sharp in my new suit. After that I’m lost. I’ll be pleasant. I won’t ask anyone to do anything because they think its all a game. I’ll see my D15 perform at ballet Saturday, build her a display case for her Nutcracker performance, golf with friends, garden, and run with my dog. I might even see a few PAC-10 games, alone of course. But what if they ask to do something? Do I gratefully decline or accept. See, I’m so lost; I’m like Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. In his book “Beyond the Summit” Todd Skinner talks about “operating outside the boundaries.” I’ve done that all my life in business and endurance sports and you’d think I’d be prepared for this D but noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I appreciate you three Wonder Women; Geneva, Ioavva, and eyesopened. Please stay by my side however this turns out? http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB44&Number=863171&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
