What kept me going? Well, apart from external influences, my M was pretty good. H doted on me and the kids for 8 years; we were friends for 6 years before that. I've been round to his house for Christmas dinner every year since 1987 (apart from the last 2 years).
Almost anything I wanted, he tried to do, so the whole time the court stuff was happening, I just focused on the past to get me through it. I told myself this wasn't his normal personality, this was depression, or a blip, or whatever, as long as I didn't have to believe he was being malicious.
That's how I coped. I remembered all the wonderful times me and him and the kids have had over the years and I wanted that again. I reasoned to myself that even if I got married again to somebody else, it would never be as good because then you've got all the issues which come with step-families, and I truly believe that H is my soul-mate, 'the one' etc, no matter how corny that sounds.
So I just got focused and I thought I'm going to carry on until I win, so matter how many years that takes me. I still have that attitude.
He changed, or is changing, because I am. I know it's a cliche and it's mentioned on this site, but honestly, it's true. I am happy and outgoing and he likes my changes and mirrors them.
Before the break up, I was shy, I had no confidence (caused by years of parental bullying) and they'd start a fight with me and I'd just cry and then blame him for not defending me.
Now I've cut my family out (about time too), I say what I think when I think it, I stand up for myself and I hardly ever cry, especially not in front of him. Sexually I am tons more assertive and he loves that, I don't take offence so easily. They are little modifications of behaviour but it really works.
My life-coaches moto was 'Do What Works!' - excellent advice for everyone in this situation, I think.
