Re the sex thing. I am in a catch 22 with it because as I've told you, I am HD so I think 'yes, I want you right now' etc but then if he does and then leaves straight away, I feel bad.
I have said no sex for now etc and then after a few days I'm in tears because I want to sleep with him so I never know what to do.
He does do work stuff with me (he used to work with me) and we chat about the kids. I get him books and things for the kids because he home ed's them.
I did used to have all the kids regularly but it got really nasty and he was telling them horrible messages to pass on and telling me that I can't do this with them, can't do that, very controlling. DD2 got badly affected by it and was crying and agressive, so after 2 years of that I thought I'd have a breakdown if I didn't back away.
I suppose I 'went dark' with them as well, which is awful, but at least I managed to pull myself up mentally. I think I'd still be depressed if I hadn't taken a break.
Am seeing them now, but still too tentative to ask for full involvement. I have asked to go along to one of their home ed meetings and he said 'okay' to that, so that's great.
Hand-fasting is a pagan wedding, it used to be legal marriage until 1939 when the church outlawed it. It's where they tie your hands together to symbolise marital union. Some Catholic churches still hand-fast because the priest sometimes ties the cord from his robes round the couple's hands during the wedding. I read that the M is not 'consumated' until the couple have ML and you can't take the ties off until afterwards so I said to my H 'I have only one question, how can we ML with our hands tied together?' He just laughed and said they only bind one hand, not both and 'we can do it with the other hand (!)'
Sorry if that's too racy, but I just thought it was so funny!
so I never know what to do.
