There are a few rhings I see. So I'll address them one at a time.
Quote: my small goals are to have him visit more often (he does about twice a week) and have him visit when it isn't his contact time with our dd
I have heard things like this a million times arouns here. You can't set goals for someone else's behavior. You can set a goal to ask.
Code:
kind of expect him to move faster
If there is one thing I have learned, it is not to expect. Expectations can drive someone nuts.
Quote: fish and chip shop
um...we understand!
Quote: I feel in a catch 22 situation because I want to draw him closer and I think sex does make us close but then I think if he's having that, he doesn't have much incentive for an R.
I agree. Maybe you do have to have a "date" away from the home.
Quote: Usually after 4 or 5 days of 'going dark' he will contact me.
I had an uneasy feeling when I read this. You should hear from him almost every day if you have 4 girls. This is a red flag.
Quote: I find it tough because I'm so in love with this man and never knowing what is going to happen makes me feel insecure. I think it's because we've been apart a long time and he has told me he wants to get back together so many times before, I am wary.
A question. Are you so in love with this man ot is it something else. I have heard this a million times too and understand the feeling, but you were treated like a dog.
Ok, now here is where the time to get a handle on one's life comes in. Everything you have said is based upon your relationship with the man. Yes, I undersatnd this is the general idea of the board, but there is more. I get no sense of your self without this man. That is where the goal setting comes in.
