Well, my small goals are to have him visit more often (he does about twice a week) and have him visit when it isn't his contact time with our dd. Atm he has only visited outside those times if it is night and he's visiting as a lover. I mean, he does talk to me for hours as well and he's done helpful stuff like fix my computer and lift something heavy I couldn't lift and he does text me etc but I have got upset twice now - mainly because the sex opens me up in an emotional way and then I kind of expect him to move faster with the R than he does and when I don't get the response I want I think maybe he's using me for sex. All we've done outside of my home so far is go and pick up some photographs, go to the supermarket for a cooked breakfast (I paid) and go and get chips from the local fish and chip shop - fries, sorry, keep forgetting this is American! So we haven't really had any 'dates' as such since he started visiting the middle of December. So I think that really I want him to take me out somewhere, even if it's just once a month, because then the issue with the sex wouldn't bother me. I did ask him if he wouldn't mind NOT sleeping with me until after he has made a decision and he was fine about it, said yes ok, whatever you think (which is different for him, in the M he would have been offended if I refused sex) and he was still being friendly towards me, but we ended up in bed anyway after only having managed 1 'platonic' visit. I feel in a catch 22 situation because I want to draw him closer and I think sex does make us close but then I think if he's having that, he doesn't have much incentive for an R. Also, it's really good sex (tons better than in the M) and I whenever I have contemplated giving it up, I make myself cry (lol - daft idiot). We were always a high-drive couple (like about 4 times a week in the M) and it's about once a week now. I have no idea whether I'm playing this situation right or not with the sex. I did apologise for the times I got upset (that was 180 for me as I ever admitted when I was wrong in the M) and I try my hardest not to contact him when he isn't here. Usually after 4 or 5 days of 'going dark' he will contact me. Atm I am 'going dark' waiting for the next time he contacts me. I find it tough because I'm so in love with this man and never knowing what is going to happen makes me feel insecure. I think it's because we've been apart a long time and he has told me he wants to get back together so many times before, I am wary. It's like exhiliaration and wariness at the same time.
