I am sorry you are on here also. My aims for the relationship are to get re-married and live happily ever after, lol. But right now just getting him to admit he loves me and getting him to at least commit to the R would be great. We have been having this on-off situation for a couple of years now (he moved out the house in April 02). He just goes back and forth all the time. He asked for a divorce so I started the paperwork and then he flipped and said I 'stabbed him in the back' (after he asked me to do it). So I stopped the papers and he said 'let's wait and see'. The GAL got involved and she's what killed it. She asked him questions about why he left me, and then repeat stuff he had said to her, to me. I'd then get upset. Every time I saw her, I had to endure two hours of verbal abuse. She never believed anything I said and told me it was 'just sex' (as if you can have 'just sex' with your husband! He's only the most wonderful person in my life). He told me if it wasn't for her, he would have moved back in with me then, but she kept pointing out all the negatives. That's why he insisted on the big D. Luckily now I walked out of court (decided my R was more important to me than fighting a custody battle for children which will always be mine anyway, no matter where they live) and since then she has been gone and it only took him 2 months to come to me after that. The woman he was with rang me up and said 'He is still in love with you, even if he thinks he isn't' and she ended their R. She is on a housing list to move back to her home town - so technically still in his house - but she now has a 24 yr old boyfriend who also stops there sometimes and my kids live there too and my ex doesn't mind because he's dating me - it's very complicated and the kids are probably confused by the bf being there but I haven't said anything because it's a hot potato I don't want to touch. I am thinking of the end result - getting my ex and my kids back with me so I try not to get bugged along the way. My eldest dd is fine (always a daddy's girl and I wouldn't have it any other way), my 5 yr old suffered a bit because she was with me, then he took her - but it seems to be mainly her toys she's bothered about. She thinks her little sister stole them and gets upset when she visits here and has to share her 'old' things with her. It's my 7 yr old I'm worried about. Like me, she had had this vision of us getting back together and she keeps talking about weddings etc. She said the court should force us to get back together and when that didn't happen, she was crying and saying we HAD to get back together because she ORDERED us to. I felt so guilty I cried myself. They knew we were dating previously which made it harder for them to cope with when he backtracked, but this time we are hiding it from them to protect them. When they are here too he just acts friendly but formal and when he started visiting last Christmas he told them it was because it was Christmas. He goes out of an evening, like 3 times a week so he'll come round at 10pm when they are asleep and chat to me for hours - then leave in the middle of the night. Or he'll turn up at 1am, make love with me then fuss round me like I am the center of his universe and then he'll leave. We sneek a secret kiss when the kids aren't looking and then pull away. I laughed at him the other day, saying that it's normally kids who hide their love affair from the parents, but with us we are the parents, hiding it from the kids. He laughed back. It was the same with the OW. Most men cheat on their W's to be with their girlfriend's and he cheated on his girlfriend to be with his W! - which is why she ended the R. He also doesn't say he loves me (although he acts like he does). He says I'm gorgeous, clever, funny etc but never actually the big Love word. All I want is for him to admit it and marry me! but the most I have got is 'we could have a hand-fasting ceremony' and 'maybe we could get back together, maybe' and 'we could have an R in 2 different houses'. This is difficult for me to cope with which is why I want to make some new friends on here, who know what it is like to be divorced from the love of their lives. I have not read DR - I'm in UK here. My life-coach did a divorce-busting technique with me and told me about this site. Can I get that off Amazon?
