Alanna, this is a hard one. I'm just going to tell you what I did and maybe it will help. First, I knew who OW was--our next door neighbor and we were casual acquaintances. I spent a lot of time with her 10-year old daughter--letting her ride my horse and just talking. So when I find out my H is with her--total devastation!
I at first thought of them together but that was so painful that I finally pushed it out of my mind and would dare not go there. I never asked about her or for details of their PA. I didn't want to know.
When we first starting having sex again it was great, full of passion and emotion. I was worried about it until I read Michele saying that some husbands feel a connection with their wives during sex and I truly believe that is happening with my H.
Then I decided even though I don't know anything about him and OW together, I was going to be better. I started doing a little research at the bookstore and the internet and tried a few things. He won't tell me anything either--can't talk about sex. So I start experimenting with fantastic results. I just got the attitude that I was better than her. And most of the time I don't think of it as ML either, cuz I don't think men think of it that way and I just decided to have fun with it. I have had some amazing compliments.
Now things have slowed down a bit and I have to work a little harder at getting things going, but I think that is just because we have been together for 10 years--ya gotta look for things to keep it interesting. And I don't depend on him to do anything, I decided to be responsible and he is very appreciative--and he surely doesn't want me doing it with anyone else!
So, try to put her out of your mind--don't talk about her either. You are not competing with her memory, you are making brand new, even better ones!
Have some fun with it! Don't worry about the intimacy of ML right now. His appreciation and compliments may be enough to make you feel great. Usually, I get cuddled after and that is enough for me. If I don't, I just relax and go to sleep, no use taking that personal cuz it isn't.
I hope that helps some. Be the best you can be! You will be able to tell by his reaction if he likes it.
