Thank you! I would like "cozy". Sometimes it is depressing over on the other boards--but I totally understand why. I think I am looking for a more positive atmosphere, although I want to keep up with my new friends over there and help if I can.
I hadn't thought about my "deadline" stuff that way. I know I am feeling different when I do that so maybe it is showing as me being detached more. Something to think about.
Last night when he called he was a little frustrated because an unexpected expense came his way and he was angry about the way the situation started. I would have normally tried to make him feel better, offer reasons why it happened and it will be ok, you will get through it, blah, blah, blah. That always made him angry at me because he thought I wasn't on his side, I was trying to make him see that maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought. Well, this time, I totally took his side--said it was a real crappy deal and it was unfair (which it really was) and he must be really frustrated and it probably ruined his day. And he complained about it some more and said, yeah, it ruined his day. Ah ha! No anger at me! Woo hoo! That felt really good. He invited me over and I stopped at DQ to get him a treat. I thought, "I'll give it to him and tell him it will make him feel better". And then I thought "no, this won't make him feel better about that situation and he will be pissed that I said that". So I just gave it to him with no comment and he commented about how he had been eating good all day and this kinda ruined that, but he loves his PB Parfaits, so he thanked me and enjoyed it. God, I'm good!
Anyway, I'm coming to the end of my lease in May and need to find a less expensive place to live. I really hope he wants to find a place together, but I won't talk about it and just go on about my business. Will probably have to sign another year-long lease but so be it.
I feel relaxed today. I sleep so much better with him than at home alone.
