Lillieperl, thanks so much for your reply. I am so thankful to my friend for telling me about this BB, it has been very liberating to get this stuff off my chest.

Before I go any further I would like to offer my sympathy for your loss of your H - I am tempted to ask how it happened and when - but I understand if you would rather not talk about it. You are 56, so I'm sure you didn't see that loss coming and I'm sorry. I understand what you said about
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I felt something of this when my husband died... people look at you like you've been somewhere they never want to have to go.

I "get" that everyone is pushing their way in line to offer condolenses AT the time, but then after the lull dies down, people don't know what to say and back off. I understand WHY this happens but, then you also have to consider, hey, this person has just had a routine/habit taken away. (that may sound rather off-handed, which I don't mean - I don't mean to belittle the love lost, etc - just can't get that deep with writting, and I tend to be a very down to the dirt basic kind of communicator)... so let's help them find some happiness and know people understand that time has the audacity (sp?) to NOT stand still or stop during times like this and we're here to honor the friendship. It warms my heart to of a BF.

I was thinking yesterday about my M and discussing my past here and what it must sound like. I have very mixed feelings about people experiencing tragic events in their lifes. On one hand, just as you mentioned in your very thoughtful and right-on-the-money post there are SO MANY people walking around out there with that bone or skeleton in their closet. Truely, it's almost like the human psycho was made to handle it. I mean, we live in a violent time now and we cause so much unnecessary termoil for ourselves - it's almost like some of those who don't have that bone/skeleton crave one. And then I think to myself "hey girl, your problems really don't make a hill of beans compared to what some people had to and continue to endure. (I'm beginning to think you are right about still needing to talk with a good therapist - man I am almost classic text book huh! But my problem with therapist is that I HATE dwelling on the details - on 1 hand I see the argument for that's what's needed to get past it, but on the other hand it's like, just get up and shake it off - YOU LIVED ALREADY ) But here I sit with a marriage that I am complaining about the sex in and am beginning to understand WOW, okay didn't see that coming but now I am being to understand why it did.

As for my H relationship with his mom and her attitude towards sex. Okay. You may want to sit down for this one. As I mentioned, my H was raised in Mayberry, truly - it wasn't called Mayberry of course - but should have been. His mother has a great deal of pull - if you will - in his life still. Which is okay. She's a good person and a generation back mothers/grandparents etc were still in the home/lives. And that generational influence is good to put things in perspective, especially with children but at the same time, as with any relationship, it can cause pre-mature gray hair, think Marie on Everybody Love Raymond (but I digress) I mean, we flew to Chicaco to ask if we could live together. Which at the time, seemed sweet, now looking back, I can almost still hear the train whistles. But seriously, I can't complain. She's a very good person and does help alot . But she's a person just the same. H father died 11 yrs ago now, she's never dated, still wears her wedding ring watchs tape, etc.,these are good qualities which I know my H has inheritied, they are like geese, they mate for life (but boy do they squawk hee/hee ). She drives him crazy but it's typical mom/son stuff, I mean she basically lives with us for pete's sake - I'm for the most part pretty easy going. And I am certain that she doesn't even remember what sex was.

I hope I'm not forgetting to respond to something - if so, please help me remember.