Yes, Moma, that's what I was getting at. SHOW him what you want, rather than telling him.

I hesitate to tell you to do it all..that's not going to make you feel better about it. But you can certainly show him what you're talking about. Personally, and I mean no offense whatsoever, I hate the phrase spice it up. What does that mean? It would have just about as many interpretations as people who would say it! Each person's idea would be different, right!

Could you approach the topic in a sexy and fun way? For instance, next time you are alone in bed, ask him to tell you what he finds sexy. What is his idea of the perfect night of lovemaking.
At first, they will probably be shy, reserved answers because he is too nervous at this point to really divulge himself. Over the years, I've gotten a better look into my H's sexuality and there's some really sizzlin stuff there. Who knew!
Another thing I do is to ask him some sort of question like above and then if he doesn't answer right away, I'll say, Ok I'll go first. And then I outline something I know will get us both going.

Nowadays he is almost exclusively the one doing the spicy talkin. This was not the case a few years ago and honestly I couldn't even imagine him doing or saying ANYTHING sexy back then. Times change and so do people.

I think the trick in your situation (and mine) is to walk the line between making the atmosphere sexy and safe enough for him to open up, and creating performance anxiety--that's what his "I know what you want" comment was about.

If you make some tentative moves towards him and increase your own sexually aggressive behavior in bed, perhaps he will 'see' where you are going and follow you. It's awfully hard to be pushed into unknown territory by your spouse, with them saying "Come on go THIS way.." and you're stumbling along in the dark, afraid to take the next step.
I'm picturing a scenario in which you both start out walking together, with a flashlight, with you making the forward steps and eventually him striking out with some forward steps of his own.

Sounds too good to be true, but hey it could work!

P.S. I am speaking to myself as well as you, of course, and had to make a list of written goals and post it up on my desk so that I remember to stay on task and do MY part. Have you considered doing this?