cinemanymph, Hi: Thanks so much for responding! I'm not sure if I understand what you mean by disparity between upbringing & spouses. I do, as I guess we all do, try to learn from the past and do things differently when needed from when we were brought up. I have come to terms with my childhood, shook hands with the devil so to speak. My father sexually abused me from before I can remember up to the point I finally decided he would have to kill me to keep it up - at which point he tried to do just that. Before that day if I resisted he would just hurt me worse in the process. But that day, I well into teenage years he tried to choke me to death when I refused. I blacked out just as I saw my mom coming to my rescue. My mother was physically handicapped and knew of the abuse and chose to ignore it - I understand her reasons. I was told to never discuss any of it with anyone, including them and I didn't for several years. My father was physically abusive to me, my mom and my poor brother- he suffered the most. And now I am quite confident where my deceased father is and comfortable with that thought. I took care of him well into his senior years and "played" the good daughter but never really forgave him. When my mother died she was in the process of finally moving out and moving in with me and my family due to fear. That experience was so extreme that it's quite easy for me to separate it from my life. I had no choices about my life then, but now I do.
As for if I think it plays into my sexuality, yes. I'm not sure if anyone would understand that if they hadn't been through it though.
Does any of that make sense? Sorry to go off on that, I know, this is about my marriage, not childhood - I'll get off the couch now! ;-)
