I asked B if I could check his computer tomorrow. There is spyware on it, he knows it, and there is nothing to tamper with.
He said yes.
I asked if there was anthing I would find.
He said nope.
There is nothing you can hide with this spyware. Geez unless there is some spyware breaking stuff. I've heard about it.
I should be able to tell. I don't know.
Isn't breaking trust in a marriage horrible? Is is never worth doing. Never.
If there is some spyware breaking stuff...I'll find it. I got very good with computers during that period of time. I know a whole lot more than people know I know.
He readily agreed. That is good. I'm also going to check all cell phone records. I want to catch him doing right as he says he is!!!! That will help me to trust more.
Nicegal wrote: ------------ What makes you think it is someone here? ------------
I think that it may be someone that READS here, not likely one of the ladies here. Don't get stuck on what I think. What you find out and know for sure is all that counts. Don't give up on your marriage.
Regardless of what happens, you and Barney will have to deal with the fallout of the betrayal(s). Otherwise, it is likely to happen again.
What we need here, is the WHOLE truth, not part of it.
I want to keep my reasons for my concern to myself for a while. I will explain at another time. Is that okay with you? Be honest.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
NG wrote: --------------- I appreciate your ideas/insight. But respectfully, you could be wrong. Wouldn't that be grand! ---------------
That would be outstanding!
Regardless, there is still a lot of reconciliation work to be done on the previous affair(s).
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: *An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.*
This is a good definition. This is why I believe my H's use of porn rather than having sex with me was the equivalent of an affair. When you say "lack of respect" I assume you also mean lack of self-respect. I say this because the reason I won't have an affair is the same reason I don't cheat in other ways. If you don't cheat you might lose the game or fail the test but if you do cheat you'll never really win or get an A. If you never really win or get an A, you will feel terrible about yourself, much worse than if you try and fail.
Sorry for the hi-jack .
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
You all have been a God send to me. Nop you were right, B has a secret yahoo account with a woman in the process of D on this site.
B told me nothing was going on. Then this am...it was all about how I've gotten everyone on this BB to enable me to turn the direction off of my issue of anger and onto him.
He told me that I had not said that I would never be physical with him again, etc. He was angry and attacking. I told him and I say here on record...that I will never hit, grab and squeeze an arm or a leg, or touch B ever again in a disrespectful way. I thought I'd already told him that, but he said I hadn't. I am sorry that I ever did. No person, especially one that you love should be treated in such a manner for any reason. So I am saying it here and now and it is recorded. If I do so again, he is free to leave me.
I don't know how I can make it any more clear. I have told him not just during this 2 week stretch but many other times. Let's work on this marriage. I'll address your issues. I was wrong for denying sex to you.
He had installed "counter measure" spyware onto his computer. I had wondered that a few months ago. I suppose that he lied to me thinking that the spyware he purchase would work and block the spyware I had installed. Better get a refund! It didn't work! I guess I paid more for mine!
I don't know how long developing relationships have been going on. My spyware only lasts a certain period of time. There is no point in me asking him. Because he will not tell me the truth.
I wasn't the crazed hurt wife that I was when this happened 2 times before. It was like, ok get enough but I don't have to search every nook and cranny this time. Every detail is not essential anymore. I have enough details to get the picture.
Private Yahoo account and talking with someone in the process of a D who he met here. I'd read some of the stuff on the BB and where they were flirting. I am an idiot! I am. But he always has some logical get out of it answer when I ask him about it. And I believed him! I trusted him. I've asked him a few times in the past few months if anything was going on...because HE SAID IT WAS AN INTEGRITY ISSUE THAT HE WOULD NOT HAVE SEX WITH ME.
And so dear lady, you believed every word he told you about himself and me? Do we think that every relationship is as portrayed here. There are two sides to every story.
You love him, as you say. You can have him!
To fling words around "I love you" are not words to dole out to just any person. I think that they mean something. Do you and B really love each other as you have both said that you do? That's pretty serious.
I am very sorry for the information that you uncovered. It sounds as if it is an EA - let's hope so. With time and effort marriages can recover from affairs. It hasn't happened to me but it did happen between my Mom and Dad. It isn't an ideal way to discover how broken things really are but it is one way.
Anyway, hugs to you and I really hope other folks are more respectful of the proper boundaries here. We are all here because our M are/were hurting and we make lots of cute jokes with each other but that is where things end. NG - hang in there.
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