Quote: He knew that periodically I'd check his computer. Six months or so ago, he changed the password so that I cannot check it.
I've asked him several times and his comment usually has to do with it's his integrity sort of thing.
I read somewhere where you and NOP are open with each other and have access to each others stuff like that. I think especially where trust has been breached, if there is nothing to hide then why not let me see his computer?
I ran across something the other day that I made a note of. I don't know who to credit but it's someone else's wisdom.
"The Difference Between Secret And Private"
'Private matters are those traits, truths, beliefs, and ideas about ourselves that we keep to ourselves. They might include our fantasies and daydreams, feelings about the way the world works, and spiritual beliefs. Private matters, when revealed either accidentally or purposefully, give another person some insight into the revealer.
Secrets, on the other hand, consist of information that has potentially negative impact on someone else-emotionally, physically, or financially. Secrets, when revealed either accidentally or purposefully, cause great chaos or harm to the secret-keeper and those around him or her.
Private: I believe in reincarnation.
Secret: I have a wife and a mistress and neither knows about the other.
Private: I got terrible grades in high school.
Secret: I forged my medical degree.'
Frankly, passwording his computer is not a good sign. We have access to each other's computer. We can both answer each other's cell phone. Letters, bills, cards, email or any other form of correspondence is available and viewable. Over the years we have participated on newsgroups and boards. I knew NOP was posting on a marriage board of some sort, he knew I was posting in a couple of other places. This was even during our "working through this" phase.
