The first time that B said no sex lasted for maybe 14-18 months. I knew something was wrong. The way he was talking was exactly as you described. I had gotton control of myself or was getting control during this period of time so my head and emotions were getting clearer. My self esteem had been in the pit, but I was coming out. Therefore I was able to look at what he was saying and his actions...it just wasn't him.
I don't know how I found out. Or what even made me do what I did (well, I do know). I would have never thought. But anyway, I ended up calling a P.I. and he advised putting spyware on his computer, to doing some legal stuff to have cell phone records sent to me, to even tracing the phone numbers on the internet and phoning two of the ladies to tell them that the guy was married. I found from internet records that one of them was married and told her that I'd tell her H.
I confronted B, not telling him all I knew. To give him the opportunity to come clean. He didn't. I knew lots of stuff and he lied about it all. I didn't try to hang him. I wanted him to tell me the truth. I even told him that I knew stuff and to please tell me the truth.
He knew that periodically I'd check his computer. Six months or so ago, he changed the password so that I cannot check it.
I've asked him several times and his comment usually has to do with it's his integrity sort of thing.
I read somewhere where you and NOP are open with each other and have access to each others stuff like that. I think especially where trust has been breached, if there is nothing to hide then why not let me see his computer?
He says nothing is going on. I actually believe him. But then, prove me right, I say.
Some of the present symptoms of not wanting to work on the marriage, staying mad at me etc. were the same ones as before.
Your list of items...yes, all those were there. He said all of those things to me.
My "boundary" on this was we had to go to counseling. I found the place. We went once...then he said he really didn't need it and why. I accepted it, because actually I his reasons why made sense and I told him I'd trust him on it.
I told him if I ever found out it happened again, then there would be a big consequence. Nothing with the marriage...but something with the fix that would embarrass him terribly...only because of his personality and not an embarrasing sort of thing in itself.
Thank you for your time and support. I cannot tell you how much it means to me. Thank you.
