SO much to do today, that I hadn't planned on posting. Yet, while I was putting on my makeup this thought came that seemed so clear to me. They are mine, for me, and my R, but perhaps will relate to others too.
It helps me so much when I communicated with....
If it is said:
"I want you to flirt with me, fix up, etc." I HEAR (so this type of communication DOESN"T WORK...with me) that I don't flirt, I don't fix up...etc.
But for me, it would help me to hear you if you said:
"I really like it when you flirted with me at dinner and ran you toe up an leg and ???...I'd love it if you would do that more." I am going to jump on that and you!!! I've been caught doing it right...I got positive attention and I'm going to keep it up.
more....
"you never touch it" I HEAR that I NEVER touch it and you are unhappy with what was done...so I am not motivated to do more. The end of touching it is complaining about how I did touch it.
vs.
"I really love when you touch it. The more you do the happier I get and more I want to be with you." Ok! Yes! That motivates me to do more of the same.
I am not talking about this when we are where we are at. I understand. I know that your love tank is totally depleted. I am talking about when stuff is happening. This is just huge for me. I am not asking for you to not be in reality. I just majorly need to be talked to like this in order for me to be motivated to do what you need.
I understand that when a person doesn't feel loved it is very hard to act on these things. So there is no pressure here. And if I am not taking this slowly enough...I am more than happy to back off in this. I heard what slowly said.
I want to erase this. Fear is knocking on more door for saying this. I am afraid of your reaction. I am afraid that you'll be angry for me saying this. This is not an attack against you. This is explaining my makeup to you. It would make like so much better and easier for me.
I feel like apologizing for saying it. Because I want to listen to you.
