Don't get involved in those conversations. Hear him out and validate his feelings. Help him sort things out by gently influencing him. Perhaps instead of trying to assess what he's doing ("I feel like you want me to tell you what to do") and putting words in his mouth, reflect what he's saying back to him ("It sounds as if you're very conflicted right now.")
Focus on yourself more. Get busier doing things for yourself. If H's confused, then he can't make a clear decision now anyway, so just let him be. Just show you care by listening to him. Let him air it all out.
H is supposed to go back to Fresno for more installs this weekend. The kids will be going to my parents' house all weekend. They wanted to give me a break! I talked to my friend earlier today so we might go out. Now, H tells me that he may not go to Fresno until the morning. H asked if I wanted to do anything tonight, and I told him I may already have plans. H said, "What plans?" I told him I might go out with my friends. "Well...what if I'm here? Can we go out and do something?" I said, "I don't know. I gotta go get S9 from school. Bye."
I haven't heard back from my friend yet. She said she might have to work if another co-worker doesn't show.
Pulling away further. . . .Should I go out with my friend? Or with H if he is still here? I would rather be with H, so should I go with him since this is what he's asking for?
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
Go out with your friend. If your friend bails out on you, go out anyway. Roll in late and see what he says. I did this a few times during the last 2 weeks that my W was in the house and it seemed like it affected her. She began asking questions about what I was doing, where I was going etc. At one point she said (in kind of a pissy mood), "Do you have a hot date or something?"
Also it was during that time that she came to me out of the blue with an apology for all she's put me through and asked me if she could start seeing our MFT again. She has gone once and has a 2nd appointment next week (my next appt w/MFT is Monday). She still moved out and she's still hot(ter) and heavy(er) with the OP but obviously something different is rattling around in her cranium.
I talked to my friend earlier today so we might go out. Now, H tells me that he may not go to Fresno until the morning. H asked if I wanted to do anything tonight, and I told him I may already have plans. H said, "What plans?" I told him I might go out with my friends. "Well...what if I'm here? Can we go out and do something?" I said, "I don't know. I gotta go get S9 from school. Bye."