Quote: ... I even asked my H, do you just want me to tell you to go, do you want me to make the decision for you????? He said no, but I get the feeling he wants me to make the decision so he doesn't have to.
Yes. This is exactly what I mean.
How do I pull away further? We've had R talks every day since he got back. H initiated each one. How can I pull away when H is constantly pulling me back with R talks? Yes, he's sharing, and I want that. Yes, he's still here, and I want that. But I don't know how many more of these R talks I can take! They are killing me! H started another one about an hour ago. Same thing - he doesn't know what he wants. He's not sure of anything. He wants to do the right thing. I don't know what to say to him anymore! I finally just said to him, "I feel like you want me to tell you what to do. I think you want me to make your decision for you. I can't do that, H. You have to make your own choices. I cannot and will not make them for you." All he said was, "I just don't know what I want." I walked away. Maybe it was wrong, but I just didn't have any more to say or do.
If anything, at least we have been able to comment on things and laugh about them together. At least we still have that laughter and occasional intimacy. Maybe this could be why he's still here. I have been trying to initiate more of this, but when he's feeling down (which is just about everyday), it's kinda difficult, you know?
Thank you, everyone, for being here, listening, and giving me your support. Your help means so much more to me than you know. I've been following everyone's sitch. I wish I could be of more help, but I don't feel like that's possible right now. Again, thank you so much.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
