I think he wants out, but he doesn't want to be the one who chooses for him to leave. Does this make any sense? I think he wants to go, but maybe he's afraid of taking that big step.
He has to make his own decision, doesn't he?
I can be acting as if, and it doesn't seem to be helping.
Maybe things are working themselves out favorably but they don't appear so right now... things aren't always as they appear. Maybe you haven't "acted as if" enough yet and the changes are around the corner. Don't give up just yet... don't give up 5 minutes before you get results. Patience. He's sitting there crying, feeling guilty. What's going through his mind exactly may or may not be what you feel it is. Even if it is, he could change his mind. Either way, it's something he has to deal with himself.
I've been GAL and detaching a bit, H did notice and decided to stay. Even when he's home, I have gone out with some friends while he stayed with the kids, and this didn't seem to help.
Again, appearances can be deceiving.
I think he felt I was moving on without him too fast, so I haven't gone out in a couple of weeks.
Don't base what you do on what you think he's feeling or thinking. If you do that, you're going to circumvent the overall plan by changing it to suit whatever mood he's in at that moment. People are complex. Don't try to read them. When you change plans based on presumptions, you are REACTING instead of ACTING. Stick with the overall plan. It's always darkest before dawn, right? If you change strategies then you're never giving anything enough time to be effective. Things take a long time, longer than you care for. Impatience must the number one reason people give up prematurely.
Go back to what you were doing when he was making steps back toward you. Remember? "It's like you're a different person!" he'd cry. He didn't want to lose you and he felt you slipping away. What happened after that? he got comfortable again, got reassured and started acting it. Now you're pulling away again and he's crying. I mentioned this last time: Pull farther away this time.
Lately I have been feeling like I should just tell him to go. That's not what I really want, but maybe that's what needs to happen.
You know you don't really want to deliver an ultimatum, it's too chancy. It may be what does the trick, but then again, maybe not. Don't do things based on how you FEEL, either. Do things based on a solid thought out plan. That's why we're here.
Pull away further, go darker by not telling him what you're doing, what you're up to, except for a few nondescript crumbs where he still doesn't get a clear picture of what you're doing. Like last time, he'll probably close in that gap and rethink everything again, and that's almost like having him decide, without having the alternative being that he must go.
