Quote: I thought I'm supposed to get H to pursue me, but at times I feel like I have to pursue him, but if I do, what if it backfires? What if that's not what H wants?
Others have paved the way, and have found time and again that pursuing types of behaviors, even though they feel right, work against the desired goal. If you DB, and give it enough of a reasonable time, you might see little positive steps. If you don't see results after giving enough time (Michele says a couple of weeks, longer if the WAS doesn't live with you, so temper the time allowed, as these couldn't be strict time lines), then stop and rethink your strategy, based on what's been happening (not on what kind of face H has on today or what you think he may be thinking) and do something different accordingly.
I agree that pursuit is not desired or helpful in most cases but I would like to add this...in my sitch, because I think h had felt that I had lost interest in him and/or just, in general, wasn't paying enough attention or giving enough affection, turning up the warmth and enthusiasm and openness from my end really, really helped to move things forward. The way I distinguish this from "pursuit" was that I never (or hardly ever ) mentioned the "future" or ran far ahead of h in terms of enthusiasm for our MARRIAGE. In other words, I made overtures in regards to "I'm going to see this movie, do you want to come" as opposed to "let's live together forever" . Other salient points would be that I backed off quickly if h gave me the indication that I was getting too close, I only made 50% of the invites that I really wanted to and I always (always) made it clear that I was planning on doing something ANYWAY with or without him and I stuck to that in the cases when he said no.
I also didn't jump into this from the getgo. I kept a very low, non-pursuing profile for a while.
Of course, my sitch very specifically seemed to warrant this type of action.
I would say to the OP that her sitch does remind me of mine...so perhaps that's why I feel strongly about bringing this up.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
) mentioned the "future" or ran far ahead of h in terms of enthusiasm for our MARRIAGE. In other words, I made overtures in regards to "I'm going to see this movie, do you want to come" as opposed to "let's live together forever" 
. Other salient points would be that I backed off quickly if h gave me the indication that I was getting too close, I only made 50% of the invites that I really wanted to and I always (always) made it clear that I was planning on doing something ANYWAY with or without him and I stuck to that in the cases when he said no.