Well, so last night he tells me that he's talked to the OW twice since the last time I asked. (10 days ago) I just wish I knew what it was that prompts him to want to talk to her. I asked him if he calls when he's pissed at me, having a great day, heard a funny joke, WHAT? He says he doesn't know. I asked if he feels guilty after calling and he hesitated for WAY too long and then said, yeah. Duh! Like I say, "doctor, doctor, it hurts when I do this!" Then don't DO that! duh. Funny thing is, H is a physician. Anyway, he still insists he needs to talk to our therapist (he has an appt tomorrow) about how he is to handle my questions about the OW. I have a hint.....TELL THE TRUTH! I told H about these message boards and he asked what I had learned from them. I told him that everything I read here says, be patient, just wait. I told him that is so hard and he always agrees that it must be hard. He just finished DB last night and said the only reason he read it was because our therapist suggested he read it. I asked if he got anything from it and he said, yeah, a few things. To be honest, I think he only read it so he could tell the therapist tomorrow that he did. No other reason. I asked him if he had been happy with the way things have been around here for the past few weeks since it looked that way to me. He said, yes, it's comfortable. When H first dropped the bomb last Nov, the fact that he was just "comfortable" was his problem supposedly. I say what's wrong with comfortable?!? We've been together nearly 20 years now, married for 18 as of last Valentine's Day. (that was a nightmare!) When I mentioned to H that I had surprised myself with the restraint I'm showing by not calling the OW. I told him I want to do it every day to tell her to stop calling him and texting him and to leave my husband alone. I also said that on the other hand, I'm almost afraid to do it because I'm afraid I'll learn something I don't want to know...i.e. that H is the pursuer and won't stop calling her. I said he would have no right to be pissed if I did call and he just shook his head. It was weird, but I got the feeling that he almost WANTED me to call. To me,if he didn't want me to, he would have said, "don't do that" or "what purpose would that serve" or something to that effect. He just looked at me. I want to call so bad. I'm wondering if she even knows what the situation is here. I do know she's also married and her husb won't go to therapy. So I ask my H, then WHY the heck is she still with him? H says theirs is only an EA. I believe him, but I still wonder, ya know? Ok, so I rambled on for way too long. Forgive me....
Anyway, he still insists he needs to talk to our therapist (he has an appt tomorrow) about how he is to handle my questions about the OW. I have a hint.....TELL THE TRUTH! I told H about these message boards and he asked what I had learned from them. I told him that everything I read here says, be patient, just wait. I told him that is so hard and he always agrees that it must be hard. He just finished DB last night and said the only reason he read it was because our therapist suggested he read it. I asked if he got anything from it and he said, yeah, a few things. To be honest, I think he only read it so he could tell the therapist tomorrow that he did. No other reason. I asked him if he had been happy with the way things have been around here for the past few weeks since it looked that way to me. He said, yes, it's comfortable. When H first dropped the bomb last Nov, the fact that he was just "comfortable" was his problem supposedly. I say what's wrong with comfortable?!? We've been together nearly 20 years now, married for 18 as of last Valentine's Day. (that was a nightmare!) When I mentioned to H that I had surprised myself with the restraint I'm showing by not calling the OW. I told him I want to do it every day to tell her to stop calling him and texting him and to leave my husband alone. I also said that on the other hand, I'm almost afraid to do it because I'm afraid I'll learn something I don't want to know...i.e. that H is the pursuer and won't stop calling her. I said he would have no right to be pissed if I did call and he just shook his head. It was weird, but I got the feeling that he almost WANTED me to call. To me,if he didn't want me to, he would have said, "don't do that" or "what purpose would that serve" or something to that effect. He just looked at me. I want to call so bad. I'm wondering if she even knows what the situation is here. I do know she's also married and her husb won't go to therapy. So I ask my H, then WHY the heck is she still with him? H says theirs is only an EA. I believe him, but I still wonder, ya know? 