What happens now?

[ValerieA]

Thanks, Sherry.

I was just reading DR again and reminded of how one day I will feel great, and on another day not so great.

Ok, back to yesterday. H will be working in Fresno from Friday through Sunday night. Seeing that my birthday is on Saturday, we decided to go out last night to celebrate. Before taking our boys to my parents' house for the night, I had some errands to run. H said he would be helping his friend with installing a satellite receiver. His friend lives in the next town over. Now, I'm done with my errands, and I'm heading to my MIL's to pick up the boys. I'm at a stoplight, look to my left, and I see H making a right turn. At this moment, I don't know what to think other than, "Why isn't he at (friend)'s house in (next town)?" I then call his cell (it's ringing so I know it's on), but he doesn't answer. Panic, insecurity, mistrust, etc. all begin to set in, again. I reach MIL's, get the kids in the car, and start heading to my parents' to drop them off. H calls my cell. H says, "You called?" I say, "Yeah. What are you doing?" H says, "I'm with (friend). I told you that earlier." (H was alone when I saw him.) This is where I wish someone was there beside me to give me a good slap. I snapped, "Why are you lying to me?! I just saw you....blah, blah, blah..." Just as Michele said in DR, H became VERY defensive and angry. As it turns out, he WAS with his friend who was in his own car in front of my H. They were going to help H's friend's friend with his receiver here in town. H proved this by putting his friend on the phone when they got to the other guy's house.....Do I even have to describe how horrible I felt?

When H returned home, he was still visibly upset with me. After he took a shower and got dressed, he told me just how pissed off he was. H said, "I can walk a straight line for the rest of my life, but it doesn't mean s**t because I will be paying for this forever...You owe me an apology because I didn't do a damn thing wrong!" I really hated the tone he had with me. If I was still the old me, I wouldn't have said sorry for anything. But, this is what I said, "I am sorry, H, for blowing up like I did. I didn't handle that the way I should have. I assumed you were going to (friend)'s house, and when I saw you here, and you didn't answer my call, I felt you were lying to and avoiding me. I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to think." We talked a little more, then went out for dinner. I tried being as "happy" as I could, but it was so hard. I could feel the tension between us. Things didn't get much better for the rest of the night.

I got up this morning, took the kids to school, and came back home. H was getting his bag ready for his trip, still obviously troubled about yesterday. We discussed some things that needed to be handled over the weekend, then it was time for him to go. I told him to be careful driving (it's raining) and that I loved him. H said, "ILY, too", then we hugged goodbye with a small kiss.

I feel like I need to call H now and apologize more since I started yesterday's conflict. Should I do it or should I leave it alone? Some help please.

Thanks.