Hi there. H surprised me today by getting home this afternoon. I wasn't expecting him until tonight. As I had predicted, the kids got to him first! H then came to me (no expectations) with a very warm embrace and kiss. I told him I'm glad he was home safe. H wouldn't let go for a good 10 minutes! No kidding!
After spending time with the kids and after dinner, I was cleaning dishes. H comes and stands next to me. He's just staring at me, so I ask, "Do you want to talk?" H says, "Not really." I say "ok" with friendly warmth and continue washing dishes. After a moment, he leans over and gives me a kiss. I give him a smile.
Over the next couple of hours, I go about my business of picking up baby toys, putting away laundry, etc. I stop every now and then when H wants to talk about things that went on with work or whatever else. Again, I have no expectations of him wanting to talk of his decision about reconciliation. I know I want to talk about it, but I'm waiting for him to start when he's ready.
About 40 minutes ago, H takes my hand and leads me to another room. He begins by telling me that when he left for Seattle a week and a half ago, he was planning on moving out when he got back. He went on by telling me about his feelings of guilt and self-loathing. H said he wished someone could walk up and tap him on the shoulder to tell him what the right thing to do is because he just didn't know. He's done a ton of thinking while being away (especially during his drive home), and he knows now that he does love me and wants to work things out. He wants to see how things go for a couple of months. He said, "This marriage is going to be what I make of it." Then he asked me what my thoughts were. I said, "First, this marriage will be what WE make of it. We are a team, and if we want this to work, we both have to make an effort to make it work."
Will post more later. H is coming through the door.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
