What Sage is describing, I believe, is that one needs to be loving, validating - but stay indifferent. In other words, don't think of the person as your spouse, think of them as a close friend. "Pursuit" could be defined by anything that puts pressure on the WAS. Your post suggests that your spouse was feeling guilty over your sadness, and that's pressure.
We all backslide, and I don't want to seem like a harda$$, but even though we forgive ourselves for backsliding, we oughtta at the same time whack ourselves good and hard with a 2x4 for fear of getting into a habit of backslide/forgive, backslide/forgive, instead of backslide/not much backsliding anymore. Otherwise we're shooting ourselves in the foot by possibly cultivating a mind set that defeats our purpose.
When your spouse mouths statements such as "you deserve to be with someone who will love you", that's a variation of the "ILYBINILWY", and that's only how they feel right now. But feelings can and do change, and rest assured every reconciled couple at one point had a partner that adamantly believed it was over for good. And that's why we're told NOT to believe what they say when they say these things. The WAS has not any better a picture of the future than you do.
He should feel like you're moving on. That's what you want him to feel! That's what may compel him to reassess whether he really wants to lose you. For a while, the WAS walks around with the knowledge that their former partner will take them back, they have that security net. When you take that away and make it very real that they can and will lose you, then deep inside, their feelings start to be touched about that possibility. So, his feeling that way was a sign that what you were doing was working. No need to backslide, you're on track.
