I do believe you hit the mark, NY. In fact, H told me last night when we were talking that he was afraid he would lose me for good if we got a D. He said, "Everything is so final with you [hey, another problem there?], and if we D and in a month or so, I realize I made the biggest mistake, I may never be able to get you back again."
He called earlier this afternoon and left a message saying, "Just wanted to see what you were up to. I miss you. I miss us."
I'm trying to be strong, but it's getting so very hard right now, you know? H called again while I was taking S9 to Tae Kwon Do. He was telling me, again, "ILY. Give the kids a kiss and hug for me. Give yourself a nice kiss from me, too. I miss you. ILY."
I'm actually crying right now. I haven't cried in at least 6 days. Every time he says "ILY" or "IMY", it's killing me inside. Here I am, trying to fight the urge to say it back, and he just keeps tugging at my heart.
I just don't get it. He wants to stay, he wants to go, he wants to stay, and now he's not sure. I'm not sure if he is still talking to OW or not. I wonder if they are, is she telling him he deserves to be happy, and saying it in a way to benefit herself? H has always been pretty decisive. Once he made up his mind, that was it. But in this case, it seems almost like a tug-of-war. He pulls for me, he pulls for her, and so on, and so on.
I agree. Monday should be the day. Speaking of which, how should I act when he gets home? After all the "ILY's" and "IMY's", what if he wants an intimate embrace/kiss when he walks in the door? I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
