What happens now?

[ValerieA]

Well, I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell H about the books I bought, but I did. I told him I think we should really try to get some counselling, but since I know how he feels about it, then I would be happy if he would at least try to read After the Affair , and he said ok. He asked me a little about the book. I explained that it may give him a better understanding of what feelings he may have had before the A, maybe why he chose to say nothing to me about those feelings, and the feelings we are both going through right now. I told H there are things I need to change in myself - not because I read it in the book. I looked back at myself in our R before I got these books and could see things that needed much improvement. I told H there are things he needs to change in himself as well. He took all this in pretty easily and seemed genuinely interested. Hopefully a step in the right direction!

I've begun reading DR today. One thing that sticks in my head now is about not saying "I love you" to him no matter how difficult it is. Well, I have said it, and it was before I got to that point in the book. I knew it felt awkward when I would say it to H after the A, and now I understand not to because it's a constant reminder of the problem in the R. Well, now H says it. Not all the time, but he does. He said it this morning when he called. I didn't know if I should have said it, too, since H said it on his own, so I just said "ok". Didn't know if that was right or not. H then said, "So you don't want to say it now?" I said, "I do...but..." (I kind of murmured "but"). He just said ok he'd call me later, then we said goodbye.

Any words here? About saying "I love you" if H says it first?

Thanks.