Hey there! I'll give you a little background on me and I'll try to keep it brief. A little over a year ago I left my husband after for an affair that went on off and on for a couple years. Please don't judge me to harshly just yet. What I did was wrong, extremely wrong. I know it was however I had to come to that on my own. I used the same lines your H is using. I love you but I'm not in love with you. I stayed as long as I did for our kids as well but even that wasn't enough to keep me there. I was very confused by the things going on inside of me. I have since come to understand that it was ALL a sensless case of infatuation. The OM was something new, adventure, risk, challenge, an adreneline rush and I fell in love with that, not OM. I thought I loved him and I believed we'd go on to even be married someday. Then I moved out on my own and things changed rapidly after that. I said I'd keep it brief so basically I ended up six months later scraping myself up off of my apartment floor from a drunken depressed stupor that not only was killing me inside but killing my body as well. I had to completely crash before I could rise up. During this time my H wouldn't leave me alone and OM wouldn't leave me alone. Both pulled and yanked at any little piece of me that they could get a hold of. The more H begged the more I locked up until not one single word of what he said was even heard by me. I was completely deaf to him. The more he pleaded the more I moved away. Now, get this one....the shoe is on the other foot. I got myself into counseling, I found meaning in my life through my belief in God. I am now, after a lot of work and the accepting of responsibility for what I did, a very happy person with one thing missing and that's my husband. I went to him back in August and told him I'd like to work things out. I followed that same desperate cycle of begging and pleading like we all have. Do NOT do this. I had no idea how further damaging this can be and looking back now on my reaction to my H when he pleaded with me, it makes sense.
I know how hard it is to believe that things can turn around and my story by no means is that of complete success. To me, complete success would be me and my H together with our two daughters and have that 'they lived happily ever after' ending. This hasn't happened yet and I'm not sure that it ever will but you can bet that the amazing metamorphisis that my life has taken is getting eyed.
I have gone from a drunken, unfaithful, lying slob of a woman that I hated to someone sober, happy, loyal, faithful, honest and true. It's okay to love yourself is what I found out. Take care of you, change the routine a little. Shake it up, buy a new shade of lipstick and if you don't wear it then start. Anything that makes YOU feel like a million bucks. It doesn't matter how limited your budget is, find something. Find a couple somethings and interchange them, your a mom so I know you are versatile.....show it! Now when H looks at me he can see that I take care of myself. When we speak I am respectful to him. Men want respect and women want love. I know it's hard to respect him after what he has done and no one expects you to tolerate it. However, responding with respect to him is the decent thing to do and you'll come out all the better because of it. I've noticed a lot of tiny changes in how my H looks at me and how he responds to me. This has taken 7 months to achieve. Please note that I spent the first 3 months doing heavy begging and pleading and the next 2 months learning to put it to rest and the past 2 months I've been completely quiet about marriage or any relationship talk and this is when I seem to have started making some progress.
Right now time is what is needed. Just as the others have shared with you. Time and patience. If he tells you he wants to work things out there is still some hope whether it's for the kids or not. Get in to some counseling and don't let it go a moment further. Seize the moment.
I'm sorry if I ramble on. I'm not shy about sharing the things I did that destroyed my life. We are here for you and this board has been of great help to me.
