If you think back, you're going to start to see a pattern in your husband's interactions with you that may suggest the hints and clues you needed to figure out what he wanted from you to be loved. There's another book entitled "The Five Love Languages" that you may find interesting. I'm not trying to sell you books, your library may have a copy or be able to acquire a copy through an inter-library loan. With three kids, you need your money to take care of them.
If you H truly wants to work things out with you, there has to be absolutely no contact with the OW. None. He'll go through a withdrawal. OK, more books, "After Tha Affair" by Sring, and/or "Surviving An Affair." They'll help him and you understand your feelings and what you're both going through. And get to a good MC.
But if he's still seeing her... again, I tell you, watch his actions for what's really going on!
