LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG day yesterday! I was so sick...layed on couch and in bed all day. H seemed ok with the night before...teased me a bit about being sick. Kind of made me upset that he seemed angry about having to wait on me. WHATEVER!!! I do it to him ALL the time!! EVEN when he's hungover.

My brother called me yesterday and told me they are having a baby. Im real excited for them, but it makes me sad. I am the oldest of 5 kids...my bro has 2 kids, sis has 2 kids, now my other bro having one. When is my turn? For as long as I remember, I have wanted kids and my whole family knows this. My mom keeps saying things to me about it, like yesterday when I called to wish her Happy Mother's Day, she said, "maybe next year I can be telling you that". Even SIL keeps asking me when we are going to have kids...sh@@, ask your brother!!They dont know what I have been going thru the past year or so. Only know we had some rough times. I know they know its because of H that we havent had kids yet, because I keep telling them that he is not ready. I am almost 33, H is almost 28...when is he going to be ready?? or is he???

That is when I feel the pressure for us to be in a better place, so that I can bring up children to H again. In not getting any younger and I do want kids and soon!! So, how long do I wait? How long do I keep trying to make this M work onl to find out that H doenst want kids or still is not ILWM???

Lots of questions, just wish I had some answers.....