What irks me the most is that, ok, I am fine that H didnt want to come up to mts with me, but guess what...he went up to FT Collins to go out and party with his friends!! Hence again, me not being as important as his friends. What is it? He goes up there to party, get drunk, flirt w/girls, build up his self-esteem? Making our life and M seem even less "magical"!! Is he running away from his problems by drinking? Sometimes I wonder...his dad is an alcoholic, could H be too? He drinks maybe 2x a month, but drinks ALOT when he does. I used to do that in college...yes, to escape my messed up life....so is that what he is doing?
I guess I cant do anything I dont have any control over, right? Am I willing to stay in this M with a man that runs every time he gets "spooked" or "feels pressured"? I think I am....but is it the reservations that are coming out in me not showing H my love for him?? I dont know..I dont know anything anymore....
I so badly want to just text H a "goodnite", but why?? I never get a response and then I just get sad....what is a simple goodnite? He used to text OW all the time when he wsa out with friends, but I cant get a simple "goodnite" our of him.....so sad!!
