Last nite H and I went out to eat. It so nice that we have that at least once a week. It does give us some time to communicate....even if its only about everyday things, but believe me..its more than I used to get! Here's a positive too...last nite I asked H to watch CSI with me and he said he would, but when it got close to 7pm..he said...maybe you could come in here and watch it with me (computer room) because I need to lift. I thought about it for a while and was angry just for little while..thinking.."he had whole past hour to lift if he really wanted to watch tv with me." Then I thought..he didnt have to ask me to watch it with him in computer room, but HE DID!! That meant that he did want to be with me, but also wanted to do his lifting too...I guess that was fair enough and is a positive for us!

I have been handling our disagreements differently lately and I think it is quite a change for me. I talk calmly and state my feelings and also try to ask H to do the same. He always jumps to conclusions about things and gets angry, and I know I cannot change him, but I have changed and I hope that in doing that...he might start to calm down a bit too. We are both very strong and stubborn individuals who always like to be in control. That is one thing that I have tried so hard to let go of...the things I have no control of.

This morning I had to make a call to the IRS...H was trying to tell me what to do the whole time I was on the phone..I said to him calmly...."we both have different ways of handling things..this is my way and I will get the same results, it just might take some time, and if you want it done differently, than I suggest you do it yourself next time". Then we were done..he didnt say anything after that.

Another positive...H was leaving for work today and just walked away and said, "I am leaving" and I said "wait, I wanted to give you a kiss first"...so he waited. Its a start... I am trying to show more "affection"...the stuff that it seems we are both uncomfortable with in hopes of it becoming more comfortable over time.

So even though these are tiny baby steps...they are something for me to focus on and help me stay positive about our M!!