Sage...thank you so much for stopping by...you did answer my questions even though I have a MILLION more!

Well, honestly, we recovered our m with the liberal use of DB'ing (me) and lots of luck (both of us). h worked extremely hard on the M but in his own (wonderful, but sometimes unrecognizable!) way. IOW, we never went to MC (well, after the fateful first time when he told me and the MC he didn't know if he wanted to be married and the MC told us that he couldn't help us then ), he never read any books (to my knowledge) and we rarely, rarely talked about our R. He never said "I want to work on this marriage" (which is something lots of LBSes on the board seem to be waiting to hear) but he did work on it.
 Yes, that is us and my H said the exact same thing to MC too. I have finally come to the realization that he will not ever come out and say he is or wants to work on this M, but I think I am able to tell just by his actions.

Doing lots and lots of "what works" (quality time, hiking, hanging out, movies, dinner, quiet times, chatting about fun stuff, etc) got us lots of good feelings between us. Doing hardly any of what doesn't work for us (big old R talks, assigning blame, etc) also helped too. There were many times when I got stuck in cheeseless tunnels thinking "we SHOULD be able to have R talks!" and nearly lost it...you know what? our R talks last 2 minutes at a time, are not done in an angry state, and can take weeks to finish...that's what works well for us.

 This is what I am doing now...lots of what works and no real R talks. I am learning to go about any type of discussion in a different way..such as not reacting or yelling or accusing, but listening and just stating how I feel. It is making our conversations so much more enjoyable.

-- will TELLING h this work for you guys? I am not sure...I guess I can just keep suggesting things to do together like I have been doing. And H does seem to respond when I ask for things I need...

I read DR long time ago..probably about year ago when EA first started...but I guess it wouldnt hurt to look it over again, huh?

I guess I just need to be patient and stop having so many expectations...that is my biggest problem..I like to see results NOW and when I dont see any improvements in us in a while, I get anxious.

Thanks Sage for stopping by...and yes, I am going to try and post positives each day, just so I can see that we are moving forward...