A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: a fear of looking foolish. Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power. A reason for dread or apprehension: Being alone is my greatest fear.
That is what is holding me back from being happy.
*I dont communicate my hurts or needs, because I am fearful that my H will not care. *I dont talk about any R topics, because I am a fearful that my H will reject me again, by saying he doesnt love me still. *I am fearful of pushing my H to work with me to improve our R, because I am fearful of failure. *I dont tell my H the truth all the time, because I am fearful he will become angry. *I dont "rock the boat" because I am fearful he will see it as the "old" me and want to leave me.
So am I doing all of this because I am afraid to be alone?? Because that would be the WORST possible thing to happen, if I was not living in fear of doing all the things I listed above. So, do I start by working on myself, again? I think I lost a little of me since we started working on us again...I concentrate a lot on my H and our R and not so much time working on myself. There was a time about 6 months ago, that I knew I would be okay if H decided to leave me....I had it all thought out...I would be ok..heartbroken, but I would move on...but now I dont say or do anything because I live in fear that H will now leave.
This whole thing is so confusing and frustrating!!!
