I am willing to try about anything right now. I'm going to see if I can get the book on a CD though because H has problems reading. It is a touchy subject with him.
Last night he made an interesting comment though. He said "you know, you were a lot more fun when you were fat. You seemed to be more at ease with yourself." Over the last year or so I have lost 50 lbs. I asked him to explain and he said that when I was heavy, he could go buy me a box of candy and know that I would really enjoy it. Now he says, I eat it then complain that I am going to gain the weight back. He said that we used to have great BBQ's and picnics, now he's afraid to suggest it because I'll say I can't eat any of the food anymore. He said it's like as I dropped the weight I lost my personality....I seemed to like myself better then.
I don't know if it is really tied to the weight loss but I certainly agree that I did like myself better then. I just didn't seem to worry so much about everything. I find now that it is very difficult for me to put aside most of the day to day stuff and just allow myself to relax. Of course, if I don't relax then I don't seem to have any SD. I mean I just don't get in the mood when I am thinking about what I'm cooking for dinner. So why don't I just set those thing aside? What happened to me to make me into this nervous, bitter worrier? I used to be a fun person, I used to laugh...a lot. Nothing seems funny anymore. I just want to feel comfortable with H. I want to reach to point in our R where we can enjoy "comfortable silence" and not read it as one of us in angry at the other. I want to fall into his arms at night and feel safe again. I want to feel that I can't get enough of him.
Chacha, Wait a minute. You and your husband agree that you were more fun and more relaxed when you didn't worry about your weight? Is there an upside, besides wearing a smaller size, to weighing less? Are you under doctors orders to lose and keep off the weight?
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Your H made an insensitive comment. What's worse, he doesn't realize his responsibility to encourage your leading a healthy lifestyle. My W complains about my weight and my eating habits, but doesn't encourage me when I do lose weight. If my W won't who will?
Ask your husband how much fun it would be to be marriaged to someone with all the health problems that can be associated with being overweight: diabetes, etc...
I don't mean to be a kiljoy here. I eat less but enjoy it more. Can't your H buy you an Asian pear instead of a box of chocolates? (Asian pears are yummy!)
ChaCha said: ----------------- I don't know if it is really tied to the weight loss but I certainly agree that I did like myself better then. I just didn't seem to worry so much about everything. I find now that it is very difficult for me to put aside most of the day to day stuff and just allow myself to relax. Of course, if I don't relax then I don't seem to have any SD. I mean I just don't get in the mood when I am thinking about what I'm cooking for dinner. So why don't I just set those thing aside? What happened to me to make me into this nervous, bitter worrier? I used to be a fun person, I used to laugh...a lot. Nothing seems funny anymore. I just want to feel comfortable with H. I want to reach to point in our R where we can enjoy "comfortable silence" and not read it as one of us in angry at the other. I want to fall into his arms at night and feel safe again. I want to feel that I can't get enough of him.
Sorry....feeling a bit weepy today. -----------------
I read about a study somewhere, that basically said slightly overweight people are happier than slimmer people. Evidently, people that are more at peace with their surroundings tend to enjoy food more. Slimmer people tend to be more stressed and dealing with higher stress in their lives - according to the study.
My personal approach is to stay well muscled, then I eat what I want within reason. Hint, sausage and french fries every meal is a no no :-)
What you can do is take some of what your husband said, to heart. It won't hurt to have one 'blow out' meal a week. Not a blow-out day, just the one meal. That way you can keep the weight off and still enjoy some hearty food.
You might consider approaching you husband and saying something like "I hear what you said about the BBQ and picnic. Can we do that this weekend? Sounds good to me"
It will let him know you are listening. It may incline his 'ear' more toward you.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: Is there an upside, besides wearing a smaller size, to weighing less? Are you under doctors orders to lose and keep off the weight?
I wasn't under a dr. order to lose the weight but at 5' tall carrying 50 extra pounds was taking it's toll on me physically. When I did lose it all, my Dr. was very positive about the change.
H likes the change, I think. I mean, I don't think he'd like me to gain it back. I need to lighten up though on everything...find my funny bone again. I feel like I have a logical brain and a emotional brain. My logical brain tells me that I can go ahead and have that piece of cake and I am not going to gain 50 lbs overnight. My emotional brain is afraid I won't stop at one piece.....My logical brain tells me that the laundry piling up and the dishes in the sink do not equate failure as a mom and wife...that I can go shut the door and spend time with H. Then my emotional brain takes over and fills me up with "shoulds" and I get confused.
I'd like to suggest a couple of books; French Women Don't Get Fat and The Martini Diet. I very much enjoyed reading them.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Cha, I think some people struggle with balance more than others. Letting the dishes sit for one night while you go play with H is no big deal. If you did it every single night, yeah, you'd eventually have a mess on your hands. Likewise with the cake.
Perhaps it is a problem of not trusting yourself. Or your husband. Can you work on this in concrete ways? Set up situations, like NOP suggested with the bbq, where you have a nice time and eat what you want, but then get back on the wagon the very next day. Leave the dishes one night and go play cards with your H. Whatever. Do something small and see how it goes.
I know, I know, easy for me to say right! I am an easygoing person and these things do not bother me in the least. My H is the one going cuckoo because the dishes got left while I decided to play "shadow movies" in the dark with a flashlight and my sweet kids.
Take it one step at a time. Experiment and see what you can and can't live with and go from there. For example, you can live with leaving the dishes rinsed and in the sink, but not encrusted with food (this is my personal rule).
Do something different. Play the radio when your H arrives home. Let him see the fun chacha that's in there. I know what you mean about the food. Eating is a great stress reducer and when you take that away, without putting another stress reducer in its place, then you feel agitated. Habits are hard to break but you can do it.
Honeypot
P.S. 50 pounds! That's amazing and you are an inspiration.
Quote: Eating is a great stress reducer and when you take that away, without putting another stress reducer in its place, then you feel agitated.
Thank you for this insight. I had never considered that eating was a stress reducer for me. I am going to actively seek out something to replace it. I don't know how I didn't see the connection.
So this a.m. instead of rushing to get up, I locked the bedroom door and gave H a little one on one time, even with the kids banging away in the kitchen. Then I told H nicely that I was going out today alone. I would be gone for awhile and that he was in charge of the kids. Hey, if he can tell me what he wants I can do the same, eh?
Quote: Hey, if he can tell me what he wants I can do the same, eh?
Hooray for you Chacha! You enjoy your day to yourself .
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
I think we are not only allowed to ask for what we want; we are obligated to do so. As far as the stress reducing goes, I hope you find ways to get back the fun Cha-ster. I never ate out of stress but it was a big comfort to me, as I suspect it is with a lot of people. Now that I am eating normally again I need to find ways to comfort and pamper myself that doesn't involve food.
.