quote: ----------------- ell, this a.m. I woke up to a beautiful flower arrangement, card and box of chocolates. It was a wonderful way to start my V-Day....then H tells me before he goes to work that he "spent $50.00 on those flowers, I better damn well get something tonight".
This is why I feel pressured. Now I feel like throwing everything away and being in my ugly flannel pjs when he comes home with my hair up in curlers. -----------------
Write your husband a check for $50 and stick it in an envelope along with a note that says something like; "I am no one's whore, and even if I was, I couldn't be had for 50 bucks. I will be glad to make love to you as your wife. I am never willing to make love to you as your whore."
Leave the flowers and gift on the table along with your note.
When he comes home, then the two of you can discuss how you would like to spend the evening.
Don't let this get past you. Deal with it now.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
This is the type of expectation that I have been dealing with for years. Even though, I am used to it by now, this time it stung a bit more because I thought we had made head way in our last discussion.
chachacha wrote. ---------- (H said) he "spent $50.00 on those flowers, I better damn well get something tonight". -------------- Was that an entitlement statement or a very poor way he is saying he is trying to be romantic to you? Do what NOP suggested. Talk this out.
I've sure changed my tune about Valentine's Day. Although I heard the story about a man named Valentine and that was why this day was "created", I still think that it is in some ways another holiday made up my florists, candy, and greeting card companies.
It is good to take a day to tell people you love them. But wouldn't it be just a good to surprise those we love and do that throughout the year.
In defense of men. I think it puts WAY to much pressure on them to come up with the right romantic card, gift, and of course the sex has to be wild and perfect. All because this is supposed to be a special day of love.
Don't get me wrong, I am the biggest enjoyer of romance that would ever roam the earth. But I've put way to much pressure (in my mind) on my H to come up with creative ways of romance and mush...and I'm usually too full of exotic expensive food to give him anything that he'd enjoy in the way of sex...
I'd rather skip all the "stuff" and just have a husband who was happy with me, his sex life and his life with me.
NG: I'm all for the "show your love every day" club. I was SO negative yesterday because I feel it is forced upon me. Apparently, I screwed up, as my W woke me up at 3am and said, "You know you went through Valentines Day without once telling me that you loved me?" She was right. I normally tell her "I love you" at least once a day. I must have suppressed it, because of the whole "forced" issue. I felt bad at first, and then I just wanted to say to her, "Did you know that you went through Valentines Day without once touching my penis? As a matter of fact, did you know that, so far, you've gone through all of 2005 without once touching my penis?" But I didn't.
I should feel bad, I guess. She bought me a card from her, and one from our DD3, a book about getting "romance" back on track, and actually made an effort to touch me. Meanwhile, I did basically nothing. Oh, I made her a salad for dinner, but little else. Yeah, I bought her tulips Saturday. And I sent her an African Violet about two weeks ago. But nada on V-day.
Quote: So why is it that I don't feel particularly bad?
Because you know that she knows that all you wanted for V-day was sex and you didn't get it so you don't feel particularly guilty for not giving her what she wanted. Thus your interaction falls under the category of understandable but unproductive.
I had an okay V-Day. I wasn't expecting much because my H literally had to work 16 hours yesterday. I made a special cake and a heart-shaped meatloaf and I put two candy hearts in his lunch that said "Good Times" and "I Love You". I decided to get a card too at the last minute. The first card I picked up said "To be my valentine the only thing you have to do is....me!". I cracked up in front of a mob of husbands buying last minute cards, worried for a second that it might be a bit over-appropriate but then thought "WTF" and bought it anyway.
My H brought me a rose and was generally sweet and then fell fast asleep about two minutes after he ate his cake. I was totally cool with this because I am not an unreasonable woman (really it's true) and I wouldn't expect any hypothetical husband I might have to want to have sex after working for 16 hours.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: The first card I picked up said "To be my valentine the only thing you have to do is....me!". I cracked up in front of a mob of husbands buying last minute cards, worried for a second that it might be a bit over-appropriate but then thought "WTF" and bought it anyway.
Great card!
Yes, I agree that my actions yesterday were "understandable but unproductive." I like to be productive, but feel like I'm on a hike up an endless mountain. Every time I see a peak, it turns out to be a false one, and then the clouds clear and I see what an incredibly long way I have to go.
We have never been big celebrators of this holiday. My H usually buys me a small card and I cook heart-shaped something or other for him. Yesterday I made a construction paper valentine for him with my girls and even painted it myself. He was most impressed with that, lol. But I usually pitch the card the next day and so does he. Neither of us are sentimental, though he is more of a saver than I.
He is a sweet person and does nice things for me throughout the year so there's no need for him to fall all over himself on one dreary February day. I did give him a hard time about the flower delivery guy evidently getting lost on the way to my house..he replied that the guy was too mad to go out anymore, as his sales were 1 dozen roses short of meeting his goal. I replied Yeah but I bet his wife is happy with the extra flowers sitting on HER table. lol
All of this was in good fun, of course. At the time we were outside in the 60+ degree weather, so that was a present enough for me.
Hope everyone had a nice night. HD, sorry to hear of your disappointing day. Enjoy this one.
Cha, did you take NOP up on his advice? That really was a nasty thing for him to say. Even if he said it in a joking way, it was disGUSTing and you should call him on it.
