Quote: I hate that I feel like I'm "okaying" his calling this OW by letting him stay here.
I don't think what we are doing is "okaying" the continuation of R with ow. I believe we are trying to fix what is wrong with our M and we have to step back and give our H's space and time. Unfortunately there was a reason our H's did what they did. I am not saying it is right or justified. But, we have to be the ones to fight right now. If we do it right we might actually save our families and M. It is a long and hard battle we are in. It takes time and patience. We have good days and bad days.
Do what the book and people here on the board suggest. You have to take your focus off your H and the ow. I know from experience if you keep bringing up the ow, R, or get emotional it pushes them away. At one point my H was touching me and trying to some extent but I kept crying, bringing up R talks, and ow. Now he barely touches me and just now is making baby steps as I have been mentioning in my thread. I wish I could go back and change it but I can't. It took me awhile to get here and I still question all this, too.
Getting A Life (GAL) and detaching has really helped me. I think my H is beginning to see that I am becoming independent and not so needy or dependent on him. I do things and make choices now without asking him.
