No my H has not talked about leaving. Actually, he will sometimes tell me when I bring things up, I am here doesn't that tell you something. I have told him, NO, I don't understand why you are still here. I have also asked him to leave a few times when I have been very upset and he has basically refused. I told him the last time, you know one day it won't be your choice but mine. He says he can't end it with ow, it would be like cutting off an arm. He says he can't leave me.???
I don't know at this point. There are days when I just get tired of all this. I watch him and think how can you do this to me. All the daily responsibilities get to me and I feel like I am all alone. So I think what would be so different with him gone.
Tonight, he actually asked me if something was wrong. I just nodded no, didn't even look at him as I answered. I wanted to scream, yes you idiot something has been wrong for 3 months.
Then I see what may be considered a baby step, I don't know anymore. We watch NYPD Blue. Tonight was the last episode. Before it was a retrospect of the show. We started watching it together in our bedroom. I was bathing D(4) in our bathroom. Then he left to go feed the dog and stayed in the living room. I decided not to follow him out there when I finished with D. At the end of the retrospect, H came back and woke me up ( I had dozed) and said "you want to come out here and watch it?"
I know we can't take too much stock in anything. I don't know if I am seeing baby steps and I need to keep moving forward. Or if I am making it worse by letting it continue.
I know there will come a point when I say enough is enough. I am already stronger and not as afraid of that moment as I was a few weeks ago.
Sorry for the rambling. Hard, long, stressful, confusing day. Sherry
