Yeah, when I read your and Unsure's post it reminds me of myself, too.
I have been working hard on not worrying about H and what he is doing (checking up on him), I guess NY is right, basically detaching. I have noticed a little change in H, more himself at times.
He was just a grump last night after the drum incident (which I don't know what it was or care!) He even yelled at the dog who didn't do anything. I just ignored him and let him be (like someone said, Unsure I think it was you, let him wallow in his own negativity).
Won't make it to the gym tonight, forgot my gym clothes but planning on going tomorrow without kids.
Planning on going shopping this weekend, need some gym clothes!!
Sherry, keep focusing on the positives. I had not and I kept sprialing down. And when you feel like you are spiraling..Take a breath.Stop..Detach..And move on.
I had so many positives until the end of Jan. Then H came home for a week..Then we went back to flipflopping with nasty comments and hugging each other. It has been a roller coaster.
The best reaction is no reaction. Sounds like you are providing a haven for H..Keep up the good work..
It WILL get better..It is a pattern..We all backslide. But the recovery from that is the most important part.
I'm with you on the shopping. After going from 180 to 148 in 10 weeks, my boys at work say I look like I'm wearing my Dad's suits. So tomorrow, I'm going out to buy 3-4 new suits. From 42R to 38R. Last time I was a 38 Regular was 1984. Who'd have thought!!
This may all be not such a bad thing after all. I went down to a size 29" waist myself, my abs show for the first time in my life! I'm doing interesting things I haven't bothered doing before, and I've learned so much and feel I've grown and benefited from that and continue to grow and benefit.
Meanwhile, the WAS hasn't really grown, as she jumps from one relationship to the other, so doesn't learn too much yet, odds are those relationships fail and all she's getting to see eventually is the grass is just a different shade of green, but it's still the same color.
I am finally realizing that. I am doing for me and the kids. It is amazing, but I don't think about H as much. I also realize I can't change him only me.
It is getting easier to push thoughts out. I have to tell myself, is this helping, can you change it?
I see little changes in H. I have seen more of the old H (more playful with me). This week he came to bed before midnight. He had gotten into the habit of coming to bed at 1 or 2 in the morning. Two nights he actually was in bed before 11. He doesn't seem to be avoiding me, but actually hanging around me or the family more.
I agree this has been the one thing I have not minded about this sitch is the weight loss. I finally had to break down and buy some new clothes. I felt like I was wearing my older sisters clothes. It feels good to wear things that fit and look good. That does help the ole PMA too.
Keep up the good work. Sounds like you are getting the hang of the detaching thing. Your are making big improvements.
I agree with everyone. The weight thing is cool. I have lot's of new clothes. The W made the mistake of saying "you look horrible in those jeans (they were falling off)". I made sure I have plenty of clothes that fit just right. From 175 lbs to 150 and waist size down by 3 sizes. Who needs Atkins....
Hi everyone! Sherry, it sounds to me like you are really hanging in there. I agree with all of you about the weight thing. It is an ego booster to be able to look decent in just about anything I try on. Find myself trying to have something on so different from what I wore when WAH was around. Detaching is the only answer. Not only do they notice, but I find I feel better when I am not trying to deal w/ him. Hard part is wondering where they are, if they are w/ the OW etc.....maybe I'll get that down one day. Crybaby
Thanks!! I do think I am getting the hang of detaching.
I went to the gym this morning and to get a haircut. No shopping, it was raining and I was tired of getting wet.
I get home and kids are eating lunch (lunchables--H worked hard) and H says, I knew as soon as I fed them you would come home. I just looked at him. I said "and" he just repeated his statement. Not sure what he meant but oh well, he will get over it.
So I ask him, you going to eat lunch and he said yes he was hungry. I asked what he wanted. He didn't know, he was on the computer at this point. So I went to make my lunch, since H made no move to get up. Now usually I would fix us both something to eat. Today I didn't. I heated up some leftovers ( I knew he would want some). Half way through my lunch, H has still not come in yet, I think about saving him some then decide no, that is what the old Sherry would have done. So I ate it all.
A little while later, he comes in a asks did you eat lunch. I said yes. He asks what I ate and I told him. Then he asks if I ate it all and I said yes. He made a smart comment but proceeded to make his own lunch.
Tomorrow I am going to take the kids to Sunday school. This will be a 180 for me. H will go to church with us but not SS. He knows I will not be comfortable going to SS by myself (we always went together), so I am going anyway. My kids need to go and so I must get over my feelings and do this for them.
I guess I have decide that I may have to live without H one day, so I might as well start doing things now and make it easier on myself. Maybe it won't come to that, but I know I won't stay in this sitch forever. I will make a stand one day. It will be easier if I am more independent now than waiting. I do mostly everything for the kids anyway and most of the household things so that won't be a huge adjustment.
Whatever the reason, I have felt a lot better this week. I definately don't spend as much time worrying about H and ow as I did. I also have been prepping myself for any errand H may have this weekend. I am ready to smile and say okay.
Sorry for the long rambling post. Sometimes it helps to get stuff out.
You're doing very well! I like that you're letting H fend for himself. Keep acting as if positive and cheery as best you can in all your interactions with him, that may have him reflect further.
