Yeah, I went to the gym and am liking it. It takes my mind off things and relieves stress!!
Things are not bothering as much. Not sure why. But I like it. H not being home when I get home (even after going to gym) and not emailing me are not bothering me as much as before. It is not bringing me down. So, that is good. Maybe I am getting it through my thick head that I can't change H only me. So that has been my focus, me and the kids.
He actually helped with dinner, we laughed and played a little.
Not sure about happy and positive all the time. I am being me around H. But happy with 2 kids and a moody husband all the time . I am not that good of an actress. So I think I am doing okay.
Okay, so H is playing drums. I hear a loud noise. He comes out in a minute. I ask what was that, he said, don't worry about it. I dropped it ( 180-don't usually let things go)and went back to what I was doing.
A few minutes later, he comes back did you tuck S(9) in. I say no. He walks away in a huff and tucks him in. ( I wanted to say welcome to my world- but didn't--LOL).
He made himself a drink then went outside. I left him alone. Normally I would have stuck my head out and said what's wrong. So big 180 for me. I just ignored him. And you know what it wasn't that hard. Before I would have been panicking, is he out there calling ow. Tonight just did not care , knew I couldn't stop him and if I did it would push him away and make him mad at me. Trying to control me, not him.
Hmmmm, maybe it is the exercise. Gotta go clean up the kitchen.
All of those things you're calling 180s, are you detaching, not letting your emotional buttons be pushed anymore. Part of the reason you have a better ability to do so is likely that you are going about your own life now more so, such as going to the gym. Way to go!
Wow---sometimes I read your posts and I think it is me talking...I too have a hard time letting things go, if he goes in the garage I sometimes follow to see if he is on the phone or computer (yes we have a computer in the garage, in our bedroom and he has his laptop ) Good for you, let him wallow in his own negativity!
Thanks!!! It has been a long time in coming, this feeling of I will be okay no matter what. I think that is what is making this a little easier and not reacting to H.
I hope it lasts!!!~ The weekend is coming, kind of anxious to see how I do. Weekends have been the hardest.
Just like Unsure says, I too read your posts and think of myself too. I usually follow H around when he is doing stuff. If he walks away into garage, I would peak my head in or pretend like I am going in there for something. I am working hard on detaching and when I noticed myself not detaching yesterday, I stopped myself and went about my business. I started to clean up dinner, vacuumed and then I said I am going to Blockbuster. I am noticing that he looks to talk see what I am doing...
Way to go on everything you have accomplished. I know it is hard with him there, which forces you to be ON 24/7. Take this weekend one day at a time. Just like any other day, ok?
Keep up the good work, go to the gym tonight, I will too. OK?
180-don't usually let things go)and went back to what I was doing.
, knew I couldn't stop him and if I did it would push him away and make him mad at me. Trying to control me, not him.
) Good for you, let him wallow in his own negativity!