H emails me towards the end of the day. (I did not email him first ) My first thought was to not reply. It was a silly picture he sent, we used to do that before. My second thought was just to respond with a one or two word answer which he has done to me a lot lately. Well, got busy and then had to rush and pick up D(4), so unintentionally didn't respond.
I am home making dinner when H comes home. He asks if I got his email. I just said yes. He said, oh, you didn't respond.
H seems kind of moody tonight. I am just going about my merry business, leaving him alone.
Have plans to go out with some friends after work tomorrow. Taking the kids though, the other girls will have their children, too.
Glad to hear you joined a gym. You deserve to take care of yourself. Enjoy your time with your friends (wish you could do it w/o the kids). Keep up the PMA!
Looking forward to tonight. I do wish H had to take care of the kids though, but the other girls will have their children and don't want to answer a lot of questions.
Three day weekend, will have to work hard on not questioning and smiling if H goes on errands or goes out. That is the hardest part.
I am excited about the gym, too. Still a little nervous because I really don't have a clue what I am doing. But I know I need it for stress relief and maybe it will tire me out so I can sleep.
Pretty much have been an emotional mess this week. It all came out last night when H was not home when I got home. Third night he has been late with no call or a call that he is on his way home.
Today hasn't been any better. I hope this is hormonal and I can pull out of it. I am not sure what to do at this point. Do not know whether to continue this or not. Right now there is not much fight in me.
I am seriously considering moving without H. We have been here about a year and a half. The move was for H. I don't have too many friends here, no family, and no church family. It sucks going through this away from family and friends. Sometimes I feel sooo alone.
If I move then I would be close to my mom who would be a tremendous help with this whole thing (she does not know right now) and with the kids. I would actually get a break and could get a life.
I have been thinking about this because I want to transfer schools. I thought I had until the end of March to decide if I want to transfer within my district or move and transfer out. If I transfer within district I stay here and work on M. If I transfer out, I give up and move on. We got info on Friday, that inner district transfer can apply at the beginning of March.
Problem is moving my classroom is a huge undertaking (we used a U-haul last time). I don't want to move it this year in district then have H pull the rug out from under me and have to move again the following year to be close to family and friends. I have decide if H leaves I will move back. Nothing to keep me here.
H is very confused. In all this, I did get some info from him. He doesn't know if he is emotionally ready for any R or would be any good for anyone right now. I think I did validate him at this point. I told him I understood and I thought he could be there for someone, I just did not give him what he needed emotionally. I think at this point he is afraid to mess up with ow and afraid to continue with me for fear that things will go back to what they were. He thinks the last 12 years were terrible and nothing good happened. He does notice what I am doing, but won't tell me if it helps or not. He will not end ea either, pretty much refuses to stop talking to ow.
Sorry for the rambling, it is pretty much how my brain and heart feel right now.
Oh this sounds all too familiar. My H would not give up talking to OW either. He kept saying "If I wanted to I could stop talking to her, I am just not happy, dont know what I want blah blah blah". It is unfortunate right now that our H's see the past as being bad, when I am sure that is not how it was at all. If it was you wouldnt have been together as long as you have. You do have a big decision to make when it comes to moving. If you were to move it could shake things up with H and make him say OH MY GOD, but I am not advising you to do that, because I know that I could not do it myself. That has to come from within yourself. No one here can tell you what you need to do on that one. Let me ask you this, if you were to move, do you see it ever being reconciled with H? If that is still a possibility that things could be fixed after a move. I dont know, again, only you could answer that one. I am sorry I am not being of much help, but when y ou are on the fence like that (kind of how our H's are) it is a tough choice. Let me say this, my H NEVER gave up OW during all of this, and he is with her right now on his little vacation. He seems to have been able to stop talking to me through this, which I never thought was possible. We have always maintained contact through it all...But that doesnt mean that all hope is lost on my sitch. I still see things could turn around once he comes home and sees that life is not vacation, and money wont be there for him to live that kind of lifestyle. But enough about me....Think about what you have to do for you here...Write out a list of the pros and cons of both decisions, lets see where that takes you. Maybe by doing that, it could shed some light on things that you are not seeing right at this moment because you are so upset about the sitch at hand today... I will check back with you later OK...Just thinking of you. Sun
Took the kids to church without H. Went to the gym later.
I have decide to just live my life. If H wants to be a part of it, fine, if not, his loss. My decisions will not be based on H but on me and the kids. I don't know if this is detachment or me giving up a little and not fighting as hard. I will still be nice and loving to H. I can't just be mean, it is not who I am. But I will live my life for me, not him. He is living his for him.
I still haven't decided about the transfer yet. I have until March 6. I did talk to H about this and my uncertainty about what to do. I told him I did not want to pressure him, but I had some choices to make. Of course he had no comment--nothing new there.
I used to toy with that all the time...I am going to just start doing for myself and not concern myself with H...Very hard, but it can be done. Maybe H will see that you are GAL without him...Who knows.
H had NOTHING to say about your move? He has got to be thinking something...Just not saying...
I cant offer much advice today, as I am not doing well myself. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and your struggle for what to do...How about this, for one week, do like you did today...do things without H, dont check with him, just do...See what happens by the end of the week and any reaction from H.
Hey Sherry--sorry you're having a hard time. I agree with Sun, make a list of the pros and cons, that might help. How are the kids doing through all of this, I think they will be the most affected if you do choose to move without H. I'm not saying you should stay indefinitely in your M the way it is, but if there is any hope than the kids deserve it. Trust me, I know it's hard, I'm going thru some of the same stuff you are, I have to say the kids are making a huge impact on my decision, I just can't take them away from their dad. I don't know if that's good or bad but I am trying to keep the hope that our M still has a chance. I need to GAL and so do you, it will be easier to detach if we do.
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