You are Piecing and That's the Important Thing!!!

[MAL]

Hey there Big Guy.

I rarely post anymore, and a long post like this? Hard to come by since I'm not as long-winded as I used to be (wink). So consider yourself special to even get a post, let alone a loooooooooonnng one! LOL

I was thinking about you today and thought I'd share some of my thoughts.

Like so many of us, you possess an extraordinary ability to hang in there and keep working at it. Maybe it was that upbringing that you've mentioned so many times, but I think it's more about the kind of man you are. You meant it when you promised "for better or for worse", "in sickness and in health" - what a shame it can mean so little to many other people.

I am very proud of you.

You are standing for something, staying by your W's side, even if you question what it is that you believe or your own sanity. The reasons you keep trying are an indicator of your values, despite any doubts you have about the kind of person you are. Maybe hearing that from an outsider will help you see yourself more clearly.

Now, having said that, I wanted to point out some things to you.

Before you joined this bb back in Nov 2002, did you ever think you'd be pouring out your soul to complete strangers? It's easier for women to express our feelings, but for a man - well, that says a lot about the man. Just coming here to seek support took some courage and a lot of love, and look at how far you've come. Perhaps not very far in some ways as you might be thinking, but very far in other ways. If nothing else, you've learned some things about yourself, haven't you? And you’ve made some great friends.

The people here may not always have all the answers, but we are still here for you. We'll listen and support you, even if we don't know how to help you. Therefore, use us. Don't be afraid to speak openly about what is going on in your life, your frustrations, etc...

Even if you just come here to put your thoughts into words, to talk about the little successes, to brag about your kids, or to celebrate new cigar stores.

I find that just coming to post helps me sometimes, and I often don't expect words of wisdom. Going back and reading my posts, I find that I learn from the greatest teacher of all: "me". Just last week, I found myself searching for an old post that stood out in my memory. I had to brush aside the cobwebs of my old brain to remember when it was, but I found it, and I printed it out so I'd remember where I WAS and where I AM today.

So, where exactly am I going with all this? Ramble Ramble Ramble……

I know you have a big ego, and along with that comes a healthy dose of pride. Sometimes you've pushed that aside, and you came here here looking to your friends for input. The fact that you're so quiet right now.... well, I think I know you, and the quiet doesn't always mean that things are great. Sometimes I know you are weary.

Use the friends you've made - they didn't go anywhere. I think you're going to need them as you continue along your journey. The bb will always be here, okay? And if you feel more comfortable reaching out to a people in email, then do that.

It's okay to open up about things, even if it sounds like more of the same, even if it's just to hear yourself ramble, and even if it means using other forums. You may need to leave that pride at the door, if you know what I mean. (Said with love, of course.) Who better to speak to than people who have been where you are? You're a smart man, and I think if you read this a few times, what I just said will make more sense.

This is Piecing. No one said it was easy. I already mentioned a long time ago that I think I got the easy way out, with the divorce (never thought I'd say something like that), because I see what many couples have to endure as they rebuild. I'm sure I'd stick with it, because I'm a strong woman. But I wonder if I'd be happy. (See that? I actually admitted that I'm a strong woman. And who says I haven't made progress? )

Okay, I'm done offering my input, as valuable as it may or may not be. Heck, with another couple of bucks, you might be able to buy a Latte at Starbucks! (I'd be happy to post my 31 page research paper if you like, and we can do a true cost-benefit analysis. )

Post an update when you can. In the meantime, take care of yourself, okay?

Love,

Mal