Thanks Ellie,

I know it's a big deal for her but I just didn't get that excited about it. That's pretty much what I've been wrestling with for the last several months.

Maybe this is just whining, but I've had this discussion with W (not about this Xmas gift - I'm not that stupid ), even suggested she read the 5LL but she just doesn't get it...or doesn't want to.

W is big into gift giving. I appreciate the effort she goes to, but getting stuff isn't really my thing. I ask her if she wants to go away for a weekend and it's always, "but the kids have to work this weekend", or "No, I just don't feel like it."

My response is "Well, the kids are 20+ years old, don't need a babysitter, and I'm not asking them to go anyway."

If its not the kids, it's the dogs or her friends. That's just one example. There are several wineries in the area that I thought it'd be fun for us to go to, but she never wanted to make the drive. Then she had a day off and she went with one of her friends from work. Spent the rest of the week telling what a neat place it was. What kind of message am I supposed to take from that?

There are other examples too. They just keep popping up. I don't throw these things up at her, but it does tick me off. If I bring do say anything, I'm exaggerating or reading too much into it. Often, I end up going to do things on my own and it's fun, but I didn't get married to do this on my own. Or to only do the things she wants to do.

Like I said in an earlier email, the only time this pattern seems to break is when she wants something from me.

When she moved out and was doing her running around, one of her favorite things to say to me "I'm doing what I have to do and if you don't like it - tough".

Now, it's a couple of years later and I still get the feeling that if I don't like it...well that's just tough. Well, I don't like it and I'm beginning to think it won't change.

The worst part of this is that I know it's a self-fulling prophecy. If you start looking for things to be wrong, or expecting it, then it usually is so I try to avoid those thoughts. It's just getting more difficult as time goes by or maybe I'm just losing faith. Either way, it's not good.

jstx