You are Piecing and That's the Important Thing!!!

[MAL]

You obviously have a problem following instructions.

And you thought that would change? LOL. I can't help it if I'm just as stubborn as I am short.

I can understand what you mean about wanting more than a 7 out of 10. After all we've been through, shouldn't we be able to get more? Shouldn't we want more? Although I'm not with my H anymore, I still struggle with those same thoughts. After all we've done, all we've learned, you'd think we'd be able to make things better.

I remember a conversation you and I had a couple years ago, and we talked about not wanting to settle. Man, I don't want to settle for a 7 either. If that is the guarantee, no thanks, I'll have a companion and do this life thing on my own. I just never thought I'd be a person to think that way, but D, adultery, betrayal, and 3 years of hurt can do that to a person.

From your post, I get the impression that you thought that you'd know enough and be able to get the two of you through the tuff stuff. I used to think that too, but I think I'm finally understanding that it can't just fall on my shoulders. The other person has to do some growing and changing too, or a 7 may be the best we'll ever get.

I think that if I were still with my H, that I'd be walking on eggshells, wondering if this is the day that he walks out, that this is the day I will screw up. And I wonder if he would have been as willing and able to learn and grow as much as me. I wonder if that would have been good enough for me. ??

I just want to know that somewhere in life, I'm rewarded for all the crap. And I don't know that I would have had that if with him.

I look forward 20 years, and I wonder if I will be happy with my choices, and will I feel like I settled for something that could have been better? There is a lot of fear in that. Heck if I know - so I'm going to be very cautious for a very long time -- I don't want to look back with regret, wondering if I could have done better (with GWH or someone else).

So, I guess after all that rambling, I'm trying to say that married or not, I can understand what it might be like for you right now. Although I'm in the surviving D phase, my thoughts are very in line with yours. Whether divorced or piecing, I think our standards are a bit higher than they were before.

If you figure it out, let me know. Okay?

Also, I don't think it's selfish to feel that way - to want more - to not settle for a 7. But that's just my .02.

Hey, at least I didn't make a list!!

Take care Big Guy. I'll keep you in my prayers.

MAL